Hi there , so sorry your going through such a heartbreaking time ... i too have turned down radio therapy as my bones are very week, and don't think they could take it ... I'm 63 so nearly same age , I would rather a little time relatively o.k then a little longer but having possible side effects... so I know how he feels ... it seems rather cruel to me to be pressured to do treatments ... I think we need a little control over what we decide to do ... if I still had young family it would be different, I would have tryed everything... 

its a shame about your holiday , but maybe he knows it would be too much to risk being poorly away from home ... wish I could help more ... sorry you feel so lost but we go through every emotion on this journey we find our selfs on ... hold on to each other and make the most of the time you have ...sending you a big hug .. Chrisie Xx

Hi MG

I am so sorry to hear of the pain you are going through.  My husband has recently been diagnosed with an inoperable brain cancer and so I think I know some of what you are feeling.  He has agreed to treatment and we do not know how much time he has as we will not ask. Is it not possible to still go on that vacation?  He might spend some of it in bed but he could also enjoy some of it.  If he is not having the treatment offered, then he doesnt have to plan around the treatments.

Maybe you could talk to your doctor about that? I am working and two of our children have just gone to University so if it were not for that, and I cannot convince my husband, and I too am worried about him getting a seizure; I would definitely try to enjoy the time left by going on that holiday whilst he is still well enough. 

Love to you x

Sonia

Hi

Such a difficult time for you both and sadly no easy answers here. When my hubby was diagnosed with terminal cancer we knew from day one that any treatment would only be to try and extend the time he had. He was just turned sixty when diagnosed, managed a further limited year working (he had been a workaholic engineer travelling the world) and was absolutely devastated not to be able to continue. He was offered and accepted pallative chemo but had to stop half way through the course as his body could not take any more. His choice was limited to pain relief for the following two years as he slowly declined.

The watching and waiting for me, our children, grandchildren but especially him was the hardest period of our lives together but we did it together, quietly at his request, no fussing (well maybe a bit!!) and gave him as much dignity as we could.

Here in the UK we had the most positive support from his palliative care team and he was able to remain at home with care as and when required by his doctor, consultant and support services.

I found this forum after his diagnosis and nearly three years after his loss I still find comfort from those virtual friends who followed our journey.  Without that input I would have been in an even darker place.

Always someone here to listen.  Hold each other tight whilst you can.  Jules

Thanks Jules, very sorry for your lost.  All we have is us, no kids, just us against the world.

This is a man at peace and he is ready to go, no fear or regrets or could, wouda, shoulda.  And I look back at the past 15 years and when it comes to him and our relationship, I too have no regrets.

We don't know if it is weeks or months, but he is declining slowly and painfully.  No one can tell us what to expect, so everyday I chart my observations, I'm not even sure why I do it.

We are down to just seeing his pain management NP, the doctor hasn't scheduled any follow up visits so I am thinking we just are stuck in purgatory for now.  But we will stay here together until it is time.

Hi

Yes I recall the times when you just would like some guidance as to the how and when things are likely to change but sadly no one can put a time line on these things.  Keeping your own observations is. I think. purely a coping mechanism as you just need to do something, anything to occupy the time you have. I looked and found support here plus I spoke to anyone who would listen (probably drove them mad!!) as my husband dealt with things very differently and did not wish to speak about the illness just wanting as much normality as possible around him. His last planned check up was nearly three weeks before his passing and even his own GP was then surprised to hear the sad news but.if I am honest. his body just began closing down during the last five days and he was more or less confined to bed. During these final days I was at home and looked after him with the help of lovely community nurses who came in whenever we called to report changes. I had emergency doctor called out on the Friday evening who adjusted his pain relief (downward as he felt more comfy) and my husband told us he did  not fear death but did not want to know 'when'.  This was a small comfort plus that we had another 24hrs before he just told me he was very tired and holding my hand he slipped away.  Just me and him.

Throughout his three year illness we had support when we requested it but I know many others who perhaps  did not receive as much help as they would like.  He is so sadly missed and would loved to have seen our son married earlier this year and also become a grand-dad for a third time but our memories are precious and we move forward as best we can and he was, and always will be, a huge presence in our lives.

I do understand how hard this final journey is just now so do chat away here (have had many a rant myself in the past and no one makes judgements at our emotional feelings letting go as long as the chat room guidelines are adhered to).

Jules

Hi there , brave lady , with a humongous heart ...just to say thinking of you both ... and sending you a Big hug .. maybe your stuck as you say ... but wer be there holding your hands (even if just vertual)  and waiting here when you need us .... Xx

Thanks Chris...

This is my third time through this. Both my dad and my sister have passed away within months of each other, and I sat and watched them both leave me a few years ago.

I'm an expert at insurance claims, manuvering through hospice, rehab facilities, hospital red tape and all the logistics.

I'm exhausted being the "strong one"... We haven't told either of our families because he doesn't want to burden them or make them sad or be treated like a victim.

We are very private people, and I will help him keep his dignity and abide by his wishes.

My brothers are the best off the best, but get emotionally overwhelmed easily, so I will protect them from knowing what I know. And frankly, I just don't have it in me to console them right now.  The three of them fell apart back then and they are finally at peace with themselves and each other.  They luv my guy and will crumble once again.

I have a high power corporate job, and I go and pretend like it matters everyday just going through the motions.

So here I sit suffering alone, walking through life in this dream like state... Saying really? Again? Seriously?

Only this time, there will be know one left for me to lean on :(

Good grief Charlie Brown!

Hi there ... please know your never truly alone while you have this chat place to go to ... I know the feeling of ‘really me again ‘ I only said last year the only illness I didn’t have was cancer ‘ whoops me and my big mouth ... maybe your job is helping keeping you up ... being so demanding... and your brain prob needs somewhere to go different for a while ... 

It’s the one place years ago when I lost mum ... I thought I’d leave my feelings at the door and pick em back up on the way out ... if that makes sense ... so hold on in there ... sending you big hug as always ... Chrisie xx