Cancer Research UK main site

Just found out my dad is dying

BellaB
Offline

Last month I found out my dad has lung and pancreatic cancer. On Friday I found out that he only had a few weeks left! I am so devastated I feel like my whole world is about to end. I keep thinking of him and what he must be going through. I know he is so scared and in so much pain but he tries to be strong for the family. I can't believe my dad is going to die. I am still in shock and haven't even cried yet. I feel totally numb. 

I feel so guilty and hopeless that I can't help.

my mum is so lost without him and is struggling so much but trying to be strong for me and my sister. 

I have nightmares that he is dying then I wake up and realise it's reality. I feel so lost

  • Offline

    Hi there Bella ...  I'm so so sorry your going through such a hard time , I know how hard it is , as I lost both my mum and dad some time ago ... my wonderful mum died of a heart attach and left so quickly , there was no time to even say good bye ... I would have given anything to have said that and tell her just how much I loved her .... my dad went slowly with lung problems and didn't know how long he had ... they may go but they live in our hearts forever ... 

    no one can take away memories.... take every moment with him as a chance to tell each other all the things you want to say ... it sounds like your mum will need her girls , to help her get through this time ... if you can all hold each other's hand and you can do this, together.... it's so normal to feel every emotion as its part of loving someone so very much ... be kind to your self too ... 

    as a mum going through my own cancer journey, I know one of the hardest things is seeing my son looking frightened... my daughter in law is keeping us all together... saying we'll take one day at a time and we'll take things as they come up ... she keeps my sons feet on the floor ... 

    so thinking of you all .... hold on tight , we are stronger then we imagine ... big hug Xx

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Thank you Chriss. 

    Your words made me feel abit better. 

    Im trying to stay strong but it's so hard. 

    I don't want my dad to die and hate this feeling so much 

    I'm sorry to hear what u have been through also.life is so hard sometimes but as you said we have to get through it xxx

  • Offline in reply to BellaB

    Hi there Bella. ...

    I don't want you to think "staying strong" is the answer ... It is impossible to always feel strong ... Getting through a tramatic time is about having every feeling and knowing they are all normal ... And sometimes a good cry helps ... I even had a scream , when nobody was around ... Feeling lost and alone in your.journey ... Guilty about something .. smiling coz something funny happens ... It's all part of this process ... The secret is knowing how to balance it all, and still carrying on with everyday life .. but talking about feelings and accepting every one is different and cope differently is a help to ... 

    You can always message me on "private message" and add me as a friend if you want to keep in touch ...  I'm on here most days .... Big hug ... Take care of your caring heart chrisie xx

  • Offline

    I am very sorry to be reading your post about your Dad. Nothing I or anyone else says can make you feel any better about the reality of your Dad's illness. It is so very hard and I sympathise grately will how you're feeling right now. I am 28 and I lost my Dad 23rd August this year...so 5 weeks ago yesterday to be exact. He had cancer for 2 years and 4 months until he sadly lost his battle. In April the cancer travelled to his brain and it was horrendous...he suffered a lot and it was a relief in some way when he did eventually pass. I was there when he died. It is very hard but somehow you do gain the strength to get through each and e ery day. Please remember you aren't alone there are many of us on here who do understand and sympathise. Spend what time your precious Dad has left and let him know what he means to you so nothing is left unsaid. I managed to do this a week before my Dad died and was so happy I managed to say the things I did. If you ever fancy a chat feel free to msg me. Big hugs to you and your dear family xxx 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.