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Feeling Lost

aconnolly21
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Hey there,

I'm going to make this as succinct as I possibly can. I'm a 29 year old mother of one and my father is dying of cancer. He has been ill for 3 years now but the tumours have spread and recently his condition has deterioted dramatically. My father is my rock and I love him more than words can express. It kills me each and every day to see him suffer and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up a pretence of strength. The difficulty is that I have really no other choice than to move forward with this facade due to the vulnerable nature of my mother and little brother. It's hard, it's just really f***ing hard and I thought maybe putting this out there may help reduce some strain on the pressure valve. Any advice would be very welcome.

Thanks for reading,

Ash

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    Hi Ash. So sorry about your sad position. I found the Mustard Tree, here in Plymouth a great support for me whilst being strong for my husband who has cancer. Being involved with a group of people that can offer you support will help.
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    My advice would be to stop the pretence of strength. Sit with him and cry. Tell him how unfair you think it is. That you don't want him to die. Let him be a comfort to you for a while. Tell him how you feel. That you can't keep pretending. That you feel broken/whatever. Share your emotions.

    Once you've opened up, I think you might find that you can display the whole gamut of emotions. It's ok to be sad but not all the time. Cry when needed, talk when needed, laugh as much as you can - you're allowed to be happy as well.

    I really don't get this being strong business. If you don't fold, then you've shown the strength to endure. And by only showing 'strength', you deny your dad a part of you that he might be able to help with. That's what us dad's are for.

    Regards

    Taff

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    Hello Ash. So sorry to read your post. I think , for girls, seeing your dad losing his fight for life is really, really hard. My dad died at 86 - not unexpected but it took several years for me to thoroughly get over it - & this,despite the fact that he was such a stern father! I think Taff's advice is really good. My husband, aged 71, died on 16 July - diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus end of December. HIDEOUS disease. He suffered, and I went through the gamut of emotions, from love, patience to extreme impatience. It's tough on all the family. His death was quick and pain-free ... he is now at peace ... The rest of us are still struggling. But life goes on ... and you should remember this. He will not want you to abandon your life and your child because you are so sad for him. Talk about happy times and places ... remember happy, good times, laugh, reminisce, cry together. You will cry a lot in the future and at very odd times - things that remind you of him or that he would love. I feel for you. In the meantime, look after yourself and your child - it sounds like the pressure is all on you and you are very young to carry all of that. I wish you lots of strength and love, Elaine X
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    I'm really sorry to be reading this about your poor Dad. I don't really have any words of advice because I am going through it too. I am 28, mother of a nearly 4 year old boy. My dad is also dying from cancer. He has it in his bowel which has spread to his lungs, liver, brain and behind his left eye. He has days to weeks left. It is painfully hard. My mum is completely broken, my sister is broken and my brother is starting to accept what is about to happen. Just wanted you to know you're not alone. I guess all we can do is take each day as it comes and be kind to ourselves. I really don't know how we are meant to get through this I just wish it didn't hurt this much. 

    Big hugs

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