Dear cancer879

I am so sorry about what your father and yourself are going through. And, I honestly don't know any one way that could make this easier for you...cancer is torture for anyone it touches. I know this from experience. I lost my precious brother to cancer almost seven years ago, and then was diagnosed myself not long after; so have been fighting cancer for some time now, and it never becomes easier, just familiar.

This is the first time that I have ever written about my cancer in any public way--but I thought it was time to try to reach out to others.

Try not to panic. I know that this is much easier said than done...but try. Perhaps talk to your own doctor to see what can be done to help you cope and to help you sleep. Night time is always difficult, and everything seems to loom largest in the dark. When my brother was nearing the end of his life, I was so frightened of the dark that I had to sleep with the light on beside my bed...and have just begun to sleep with a night light, and it's been several years. That was all fear.

I would also tell you to spend as much time as you can with your Dad--time together is everything. Make sure that he's as comfortable as is possible. I would spend a lot of time massaging my brother's back---he loved it, and it was one of the very few things that I was able to do that could give him some semblance of relief. 

And don't let him think that you've given up on him. You are stronger than you think, and I'm sure that your Dad is, as well---perhaps there will be something that may help your Dad; some positive news that might be just around the corner. 

I think that sometimes we get so distraught about things that we forget about Hope, and we put Her down somewhere, but just cannot seem to find Her in this dark place that we are immersed in. But just know, that when the sun shines again you'll find Hope; She will be sitting in the sun, basking in it. You can pick Her up again and take Her to your Dad, and tell him not to worry, that you are there by his side; you and Hope. 

All my very best...

I, like you, am very much a daddy's girl... I found out autumn last year that my dad has terminal cancer as well. Focus on spending as much time as you can worth him. I like to know what is going on, but at the same time I dont like to focus on it. I spend my time with my father trying to be as normal as possible. And it's heartbreaking. It's so hard to have to suck in your tears and put on a brace face, but know that you can talk to your dad and support him. He will need to talk to you and lean on you as well. Make memories you'll want to look back on... I hope you're father has a comfortable and happy life. Take care of yourself.

Hi,

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. If there has been just the two of you as a family unit since you were 11, I am sure that you have a very close bond. Do you mind if I ask what age you are now?

It must be extremely traumatic for you trying to cope with your Dad’s diagnosis. If he was only diagnosed a year ago you haven’t had that long to come to terms with this. Hearing that his chemotherapy hasn’t worked for him must have been devastating news for you both.

 I know that this may seem like a silly question but how well is he at present? If he is fit enough, try to spend your time making memories together. Also, try not to dwell on the bigger picture, but take things day by day. Is there anything that you can do to make life more comfortable for him? Does he like music? He might like to listen to some. Is he a reader? Perhaps he can’t read himself now, but you could always help by reading to him. Remember that although there may be times when he appears to be sleeping, he can possibly still hear you, so keep talking to him.

Do you have any other family support whilst you are going through all this? I’m sure that you have shed bucket loads of tears. Try not to let your Dad see how upset you are, but let the tears flow when you are away from him. This is a great release valve for some of the stress you are under just now.

I lost my Mum to secondary breast cancer many years ago. She coped with this for 12 years before she died, but developed metastases in brain, bones, liver and lungs in her latter stages. It was so traumatic to watch her deterioration and to feel so helpless.

I am thinking and praying for you both.

Remember that there is always someone here if you feel like talking.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx