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My poor mum

Nobodieschild
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Hi all, I've been reading some of your posts and I just want to say I'm so sorry to read of so much heartache. 

my mum doesn't have long. She's moved in with me and I'm doing all I can for her but it's absolutely breaking my heart. We have a large supportive family which I'm so grateful for but I'm a single mum and finding it very difficult to cope. Sometimes I just want to get out the house and leave someone else to deal with it all but then I feel horrible for even thinking it.... I just want it all to go away. Wake up from a bad dream..  I don't know why I'm posting this really. 

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    Hi Nobodyschild,

    You are posting this, because, like so many of us here you need some support and, you’ve come to the right place. Looking after a loved one in the latter stages is a heart breaking experience and it is no wonder that you feel that you have to escape from the house at times. Coping with the enormity of all this can leave you with a raft of different emotions. You may well feel angry, depressed, upset, heart broken, tired, etc. Dealing with all of these emotions is not easy.

    You are doing well to keep your mum at home and out of hospital – I am sure that she will feel much happier in your home, but it is you who has to bear the brunt of it all. What ages are your children and, are you getting the help you need from other members of the family?

    Try not to feel guilty about wanting to get out of the house you are coping with a lot. Look at this as the release valve you need. Go out and don’t feel guilty. After all you’ll be no use to your mum if you fall ill.

    I do hope that you can manage to keep her at home with you for as long as possible. Feel free to come back here at any time as we are all here to help one another get through.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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    Hello there.

    DO NOT feel guilty - I have been there and know how difficult it is.  Have you discussed how hard it is for you with the rest of the family.  Could you perhaps have some sort of a rota going where someone else can sit with your mum for a couple of hours, half a day or a full day??

    Your mum's GP or the hospital where she has been treated should have given you phone numbers for support.

    Contact MacMillan - 0808 808 0800 Mon - Fri 9.00 am - 8.00 pm. They can provide voluntary workers to sit with your mum while you go out for an afternoon or day, or shopping.  Speak to them, they can provide lots of help in various forms.

    Your mum should also have had a key worker at the hospital who you should be able to contact.  

    Speak to social services and ask what they can do to help.

    I hope you are able to get help from one of the above suggestions.

    Take care and best wishes.

     

     

     

  • Offline in reply to Firecracker

    Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. My kids are 13 and 7. We have a Macmillan nurse and a community nurse that come to the house but my mum told them that she doesn't need any help as I'm doing it all. And prefers me to bath her ect... But I do have phone numbers that I can call and number for out of hours doctor. Family members are great at taking it in turns to sit with her and even stay over if she's having a bad night but they expect feeding! So it's extra work for me, I did tell them all last week that it's self service in the kitchen but then I feel bad for just making me and mum a cuppa so I end up making a load of drinks. Then it's the washing up! And Extra cost, I get through so much milk and bread it's unreal. I had a good night sleep last night so not feeling too bad today. I think I just need to accept that it's going to be like this for a while, I've arranged a drink out with a friend for Wednesday night so looking forward to that. Also forgot to mention that my sister has 4 kids all under the age of 10that she brings with her almost every time she visits, and they argue so much... they also want picking up and dropping home as I'm the only family member who drives!! I need to be tougher I think, but I'm mainly doing it to take the worry off my mum as she's constantly worried about everyone, have they eaten... have they got home on the bus ok... and if family members turn up during dinner my mum pretends to be full and starts giving her dinner away unless I get up and start finding food for everyone. It's exhausting. Something needs to change or I'm going to be poorly myself, the whole things seems very surreal still, never thought my mum would end up like this. She's not having a good day today, she's so dosed up on morphine she's  taking nonsense, but she will probably be totally different later, like there is nothing much wrong with her... that's the hardest thing, you never know what to expect from one hour to the next..

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