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Mum is dying

HattieM
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I went to A&E with my mum a week ago Friday. Four hours later she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. 

Shes been in hospital since, they said she has hours or days. It's been 9 days now and they haven't even made a hospice referral yet. I'm promised one tomorrow. They didn't think she'd last, but she is. 

My stepdad and brother are on the autism spectrum, so I feel I have to be the one doing everything. I have two primary age kids to care for as well, although my partner is being amazing. 

I just had to offload. I feel trapped in a nightmare. I'm in so much pain, I can't let myself acknowledge it or I'll crumble.

 

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    Hello Hattie M

    I'mI'm so sorry to hear about your mum's recent shock diagnosis.  It seems like you're on auto pilot and doing so well with getting on with the practical side of things   , with no emotional support. You are indeed in a very very difficult position.

    I am sending you lots of hugs . Does your mother have a palliative care nurse you can talk to? You're not working in presume?

    I have stage 4 secondary breast cancer- in the bones and was also diagnosed in A/E . Fingers crossed I'm stable and ok .

    Are you able to talk to your mum?  I'm no expert but I think you're doing all you can.  Being there for her.  It would be lovely if she could be moved to a hospice whee hopefully you would get more support. It must be hard with your children.  Don8be afraid to ask for help from your lovely part error and any friends . Often we don't like to ask ( myself included!) . Most people don't know what to do or say in a crisis a day are pleased to help. 

    I don't think I've been much help but really not wanted to say how sorry I am'. Hold your mum's hand and talk as much as you can. 

    Thinking good of you & find gers crossed for the hospice place soon. 

    take care 

    X

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    I am so sorry about your news. I lost my mum in January and we knew 3 months before that we were on borrowed time. And just remember being on autopilot too [have 2 kids too and amazing partner]. We had a palliative nurse and I had to keep banging on to her weeks before mum passed to get a hospice referral as I knew we were running out of time. Nurse said mum wasn't ill enough!!! So I poured every ounce of energy and anger into getting a hospice place, there is a service called Hospice at Home whereby nurses come out and then admit the patient if a. they feel it is time or b. there is even a bed. Push the doctors, get numbers for palliative team, google local hospices and call them direct. I know its tough but you will find strength where you didn't know you had it and the time will come to crumble. In the meantime, make the most of the time with your lovely mum. Sending you strength and hugs xx

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