Hi.

Sorry to hear about your Nan. How long she has is difficult to say but the only advice I would give is let her have what she fancies to eat or drink. My husband's choice varied every day/week from scrambled egg - just the one! Next day just milk shake. Next day coke cola. Only tiny tiny bits. It was dreadful to see but no point trying to force good nutrition.  Just spend time with her and keep her company when she wants it. Get specialist pain/comfort relief when necessary.  Sorry not much help but this was my experience.  Regards Sue x

Hi Joanie27 , I've posted a couple of times on this tread , my mum was first diagnosed in May 2018 she started with pain in her stomach and back in March and was told by the GP that it was probably gallstones she started to watch what she ate to reduce the pain and was told she'd be booked in for a scan and then discuss having it/them removed (she said I'm not having an operation!) If only it was gallstones , she waited for the scan still not had it by May when she rang me 6 in the morning (dad was in work) she was in agony rushed  round called an ambulance she was taken to hospital where they said she had slight Jaundice,  her symptoms were pain in the stomach and back which got worse she described the pain like labour pains,  she had very light soft stools, she worked all the way through i don't no how she did (she was a carer in a home) they discovered the tumour fitted a stent for the Jaundice and sent her home this was May fast forward to the end September she had the whipple procedure (they did biopsys it came back non cancerous but the consultant wasn't to sure he said it was acting like cancer and her cancer markers were high) surgery went well test came back it was cancer and  mum started chemo December till may 2019 she got the all clear and rang the bell, mum started to get the same pain straight away from the June and was back and forth to the doctors he fobbed her off with codeine saying it was constipation then arthritis she had a couple of scans which showed something on her liver they weren't concerned about,  August she was given Morphine for the pain still constipation and maybe Arthritis she was waiting for an xray, October 8th she was in agony dad rushed her hospital where the day after we were told it had come back ans was stage 4 termail, how was this not picked up earlier? Mum came home 4 days later due to start chemo 4 weeks time to give her a little bit of more time it was devastating,  November 3rd mum and dad renewed the vows in the lake district the next day she was so poorly back in hospital again she had a scan they said the tumours had spread a week later she had another scan before she came home on palliative care and in that week they said mums cancer had doubled the size,  they told us she had weeks left we never told mum this as she never wanted to know anything about it, we took care of her at home where she passed away 4 weeks later with us all (dad, myself,  3 brothers, Auntie, sister in law and my husband) its was the worst and is time of my life listing to mum making plans for 1 last xmas (she passed away 17th) the only positive was she wasn't aware and she quickly went very sleepy and slept from 2 December pretty much 24 hours a day,  mums Symptoms at the end were extreme pain loose light coloured stools tiredness, she lost a lot of weight,  Jaundice she hardly ate some days would just be a bite of toast,  i really hope you have good news and put your foot down if your not happy with something i really wish we had now. My mum was 58 lived a healthy life didnt smoke or drank and worked all her life  met my dad at 13 had my brother st 14 married at 16 they were soul mates, Sorry if i rambled on, if you  want to no anything please message me and i will answer any questions you have, I'll get back to you when i can I'm in work a lot the next few days (carer in the home where my mum worked) but will get back to you.

Take care 

Elizabeth xx

Hi Elizabeth

I feel for you too. My husband was 58 and passed away this March -10 months from first symptoms.  Diagnosis took ages last year. Indigestion, stomach pain & back pain which literally came on over night - put down to inflamed tummy/indigestion. Tests showed "nothing wrong". He was a healthy hard working man.  Eventually we used my private medical policy my work pay for and within 3 days we knew he had advanced pancreatic cancer. We were then advised to stay with the NHS as it would be the same treatment - absolute rubbish. They messed him about so much that by the time we went back private it was too late. It is so unfair isn't it watching someone you love so much deteriorate and you can't help them.

Sue x 

My mum went into hospital in March because she turned yellow and they found the mass on her pancreas and they confirmed what it was about 6-8 weeks later and the doctor said that she could have the Whipple op and then he started messing her about and before long she was back in hospital because she had an infection from where the stent had been in too long and then they found out that it had started spreading to her liver and they told her she could no longer have the op and she went to see the oncologist and he said that she has 6-12 months. I'm close to my mum and I don't want to lose her. 

Then in another devastating blow to us she was taken back into hospital a couple days ago now because she was unwell and this time they've found a mass on her brain and I am so terrified because I don't want to lose her but it feels like everything is happening too quickly. They are still going ahead with the chemo but they're adding radio this time and I just feel so sorry for my mum because back in May we lost my nephew in a motorcycle crash and now we have this real possibility we will lose her too very quickly. 

Thankfully the mass on her brain isn't cancer! It's part of the infection which we're so relieved about because at least it hasn't gone up to her brain but they're keeping her in for a little bit so that they can get rid of the infection 

Oh that is good news. 

13.8.20

My partner was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer at the beginning of lockdown end of

March .
Since Christmas he suffered with IBS and pain , his Dr tested for cancer in early March seemingly all clear . The pain continued and he had a CT scan showing unoperable cancer in the pancreas ,spleen and liver . 

He was lucky to be offered chemotherapy in May in the hope to extend his life.  
Unfortunately he has suffered horribly with nausea and sickness throughout caused by the disease and treatment .

He lost so much weight because of this and has survived on crackers ,ginger beer and ovaltine drinks.
Our kitchen is full of food he fancied eating but could never manage . 

His abdomen continually filled with fluid ( ascites) He was admitted to hospital to have the 9 litres  of fluid drained 4 times .
In June he was kept in hospital for 2 weeks because of peritonitis infection , it was so distressing as we were not allowed to see him due to Covid restrictions .

The hospital has been brilliant but each time he has returned home stable but  weaker and thinner ,unable to walk.

Unfortunately the chemotherapy was stopped because of the infection ,

My daughter(17) and I have watched him becoming weaker and the hope of chemo and a chance disappear .

I have nursed him at home helping a once great big ,hard working man with , dressing ,medicines ,toileting and washing .

How anyone copes alone I can't imagine , it has been a full time job collecting and managing anti sickness  , pain relief prescriptions , nurses and appointments .
His last visit to hospital in July he finally came home with a permanent ascitic drain and catheter . 

The palliative community nurses and GP have been very supportive but to no avail .
My partner is now lucky to be in a hospice ,he is being so well cared for but it is heartbreaking to see him dying  of such a cruel disease in a such a short time.

My advice if any one is offered respite in a hospice is to  grab it ,dont wait til end of life .

The consultants and nurses really understand the cancers and have the time to treat the whole person so they are comfortable and have hope . They also have so much time to support the families .

Tonight I am  sitting waiting for the dreaded phone call from the hospice  .

Hi

I feel for you so much. I went through exactly the same trauma with my husband that ended in March. The trying to feed, caring (all aspects), ascites drainage, permanent drain being fitted, horrendous weight loss, sickness from chemo and the disease. It has to be one of the worst things imaginable and no one understands fully unless they have been through it.  Unfortunately my husband struggled through it mainly at home (totally his choice) and only asked for help in the last week and was admitted to a Hospice 18 hours before he passed away.  I wish he had gone sooner as they could have made him so much more comfortable but he just wanted to fight it to the end.  Words cannot express how sorry I am for you.

Sue

Hello Sue

thank you for your time taken to reply .
I am sorry that you went through this too, it must still be very painful for you and so awful to lose your husband at such a difficult time in Lockdown .

I hope that you are keeping well and coping as well as you can .

Unfortunately my partner lost his battle yesterday morning. 

You know the drill.

ksg