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SonyaB
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Hi.  New to this forum but looking for advice.  We found out on Thursday that my mums Non Small Cell Lung cancer has spread to Kidneys, Liver, Stomach and Lymph Nodes.  She has been told 1-4 months.  I am lost, cant stop crying.  I am trying to be strong for my stepdad and younger sister, has anyone found bereavement counselling helps? X 

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    Hello Sonya, 

    I've just written my own post and then I see yours. 

    So sorry to be reading that your poor mum's cancer has spread and they've given her a short prognosis. I've learnt over the last couple of years that prognosis isn't always accurate that's why a lot of doctors don't like to be too specific as each individual is different. 

    My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 incurable bowel cancer which has spread to his lungs two years ago in April 2015. He's had on/off palliative chemotherapy since. However 3 weeks ago we found out it has now spread to his brain. We aren't sure how long he may have. But we are worried it could be a matter of months. As my mum said she'd be surprised if he lasts until the end of the year! Like you, I don't know how to cope with the thought of losing a parent. Someone whose been a permanent figure in my life since the day I was born. I can't even comprehend a life without my dad in it. I'm scared I won't cope, I've not given bereavement counselling a thought however I'd be interested to to find out if it's helped anyone. X 

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    Hi Sonya I wanted to reply because I am in a very similar to yourself. Firstly I'm so sorry for you, it's such a hard situation to be in. My mum was also diagnosed with small cell lung cancer which has spread to liver, stomach and bones.. we haven't actually been given a prognosis but from what I have read online it's not long. I have started to have counselling which has really helped me deal with some things. I previously wrote how much I have struggled with things and everyday life since my mums diagnosis. I decided to go to and pay for a private councillor because I didn't want to wait. I've only had 2 sessions so far but it's been very helpful to talk openly about fears etc. If you ever want to write and talk please do because I am going through a similar experience. My thoughts are with you x
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    Hi Sonya, I am really sorry to hear about your mum. When my mum was diagnosed with NSCLC last year, I was lost too, and couldn't stop crying. I didn't try counselling as I felt that it would not help and would not change the situation. With the hindsight now I think it would have helped me better understand the situation. I knew there was no cure to her disease but being completely lost, and I know it's going to sound strange, I didn't realise at the time the emptiness she would leave behind when she's gone. I think talking to a counsellor is probably good, but I would also recommend you talk to your mum. At the time, I felt it would be wrong and selfish to cry in front of mum, to tell her that I would miss her so much. I thought she would understand the silence, that somehow she would know that I was so terribly sad and didn't want to add to her own fears and worries. And today, this is what I regret the most, what I will live with forever; the regret of not talking enough, of not telling her what were the fondest memories I had with her, how much I would miss her, why I was so grateful for the education and values she gave me... Talking to her now will save you a lot of heartache and regrets when she's gone. My thoughts are with you and your family, x
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    Hi Sonya

    My wife was diagnosed march and past 3 weeks ago. I have asked several questions on this forum. And I have been supported of various members. When the time comes you will have so many emotions going on in your head. But I have found that talking to specialist people helps. I have found that people on this site will be there for you. Take care and look after you too. And be strong and thoughts to you and your family.

    andy

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