Hi Victoria

I'm so sorry to hear of your sad news. I lost my dad to cancer in February and like you am a daddy's girl.

I know it is hard but try not to focus on loosing him and enjoy spending as much time with him as you can. Also, do allow yourself to grieve, it is perfectly normal. What you are going through at the moment is a kind of anticipatory grief, and it is horrible as you know it makes little sense as your dad is still here but you just can't help it. Take the time to work through it, and if you need some time off work take it and spend it with your dad.

There is nothing i can say to ease your pain, but you will get through it. Make the most of every moment. Take care of yourself so that you can be there for him when he needs you. xx

Hi VictoriaJane,

So sorry to read about your Dad's diagnosis. His situation sounds familiar and I know from personal experience how devastating such news is - both as a patient and as the son of a patient.

Are you absolutely sure they said there is nothing they can do? I ask because this would be quite unusual. With a very similar diagnosis at the age of 55, I was told that my Oesophageal Cancer was incurable and inoperable with chemo for palliative care as the only available option. Two to eighteen months (if the chemo worked) - two years at the outside - were the estimates I was given. This was very upsetting and it knocked us all for six. 

The chemo worked better than I had dared to hope and my tumours all shank by between 50% and 60%. 

Try to bear in mind that any estimates of how long we have are always averages which don't take into account the age or relative fitness of an individual patient and that there will always be exceptions in both directions. I would hate to raise false hope, but try not to give up hope altogether.

Meanwhile, do your best to make happy memories with your Dad. 

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Victoria

Hope you are ok. I am in a very similar situation. I am 26 and my dad is 56. Like yours, he has never smoked or drank alcohol in his life and is normally fit and active. A couple of weeks ago he was given a terminal diagnosis with less than 12 months to live. I am absolutely devastated. I have left my full time job as a nurse to spend as much time as possible with him.

I can't imagine life without him. Life seems so unfair but I am just trusting in God that it's all part of his greater plan.

God Bless

Thanks - I would love nothing more than to leave work. I am an administrator and it doesnt' exactly fill my time with a lot of work, and so I feel i'm wasting precious time with dad, by sitting in an office twiddling my thumbs, but I can't afford to.

It just seems to cruel that in their fifties our dads have to go through this. 

I hope you get to spend as much time with him as you can x 

Hi Dave

They have said there's nothing they can do in terms of curing it. They are going to give him chemo (and possibly a trial drug if he qualifies) to keep it at bay, but in terms of long-term cure, there's nothing they can do. 

It's the fact it's spread to his liver, they say eventually that will spread so much it will sort of overtake the liver and that's when it will start to spread elsewhere in his body.

And yes you're right, i will try to spend as much time with him as i can. 

I'm overwhelmed by your cancer history and have left me with lots of hope 

thanks xxx

Hello Victoria, 

I'm so sorry to be reading about your poor Dad and his diagnosis as well as prognosis. I've learnt over the past 2 years since my dad was diagnosed that prognosis is based on statistics and it's not always accurate. I've spoken to people who were given 6-12 months and they are still going strong 8 years later with chemotherapy. So there is hope out there... 

I know that feeling when their first diagnosed it's so heartbreaking, it still is. We all want our parents to live into their 80s or 90s and to see us married with families of our own. My dad was diagnosed 2 years ago with stage 4 incurable bowel cancer which has spread to his lungs and liver. He was given 2-3 years at the time. He's had his ups and downs along the way but palliative chemotherapy seemed to be helping him. Until 3 weeks ago when we found its now spread to his brain. We are scared he may only have a matter of months left. I'm 28, I have an older sister and my younger brothers 25. I'm not ready to lose my dad, although I have a 3 year old little boy I'm not yet married and the thought of my dad not walking me down the aisle breaks my heart. 

My dad means the world to me. He's been there since the day I was born. He's taught us all so much, he's one of a kind with such a great character. So it's hard for me to think that one day all I will have is memories. I'm here if you ever need to talk. Keep strong, remember to create as many memories as possible with your dad. Photos, videos...look after yourself too. X