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Nan - terminal diagnosis

telkro
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Hi,

My Nan gave up her life to raise my two siblings and I; due to my Mum being a heroin addict and my dad dieing from a drug overdose when i was a baby. The same fate for my "half" siblings fathers. She also brought her kids up single handed and has been sh@ on her entire life, even though she lives to help others.

My Nan is 70, I am 27, my brother is 29 and my sister is 18 (and pregnant). Me and my sister still live with my Nan. My Nan was diagnosed with cancer last year, she had to have a radical cysectomy which was  a massive operation and left her with a urostomy bag and very poorly for months.

As she got better and accepted her new life with the stoma, she all of a sudden got worse and from a clear scan 2 months previous, she has now been diagnosed as terminal, it's in her lungs and her bones, and she has 3 months to live.

We are in total shock at the moment because they said she was doing so well and things were clear.

She is that person in our family that links us together, that binds us, what happens when she goes? Will we all fall apart and never see eachother again? How I'd she feeling knowing she is going to die and in 3 months? Who do I aim to make proud of my life achievements? Who will be there when I need help? Will she be here to see my sisters baby? Christmas, birthdays? 

I can't accept that she is going and it kills me to imagine how she is feeling.

So we have 3 months. Where was the time to prepare. Will I ever repair. Can't imagine and don't want to.

 

Thanks

 

Good to get it out

X

  • Offline

    Here I am again,

     

    Trying to let it all sink in but for me it's the thought of how my Nan is feeling inside, how do you cope with the knowledge you have months to live, it hurts so much

  • Offline in reply to telkro

    Had a chat with Nan last night, asked her how she is feeling and was honest that the hardest thing is me trying to put myself in her shoes and how she feels about it. She said she's not scared, she said as long as everyone is set up and looked after then that's all she needs.

    It's made me feel a bit better but just imagining the world without her is making me feel sick.

    I feel sorry for my little sister, she's started worrying about her baby and what the stress might do and also I keep thinking of her bringing her kid up without my Nan around and to celebrate with on her first steps, going to school etc. I know she has me and my brother but it's not the same sometimes. She will have to grow up even faster.

     

    All of it just scares the sh** out of me.

     

  • Offline in reply to telkro

    Today,

    I have come to terms with the fact my Nan is going to die to this horrible disease. I've also accepted that she will be at peace with no more suffering and she will always be in my heart and in my mind and no one can take that away from me, not even cancer! Feels raw, feels horrendous but this is a natural part of life. Time to focus on having some laughs and giggles and have fun with her before she goes.

     

    Xx

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