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Father In Law Terminal Cancer

sashalouise
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Hi everyone,

I am new to the forum but wanted to join to speak to others about dealing with cancer in a loved one or partners family.

I am 26 and my fiance is 28 and his father has be diagnosed with terminal cancer. His dad has lynch syndrome and has had cancer a number of times but sadly this time round it is terminal, he was given months to live this time last year but is still pushing on. He was given the news last month that he isn't allowed any more chemo as it is not working and has spread from his abdomen to his liver, bowel and other areas :(

Understandably my fiance isn't coping well and I am trying to support him as best I can and not show that I feel upset (I am especially close to his parents as I dont have family near and lived with his parents for over a year). We are getting married in August which is making things difficult as he wants it to go ahead but doesn't want to think about it as we know his dad may not be here, so it's been hard. It feels like all our lives are at a stand still and I don't know what I can do to support them. I keep having nightmares that something will happen to his dad the week of the wedding or something.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

x

 

  • Offline

    Hi

     

    I am in a very similar situation. My dad was diganosed with cancer in Nov and since then has went through a few big operations but was told in Feb that the cancer was terminal. I have been to see a councillor to chat through things with them but finding it very difficult to see my dad going through this. He has become very down and his mobility has been affected by the cancer. He is also exhausted all the time and therefore we cant get him out and about. My brother gets married in the next month and dont think my dad is going to make the wedding as it will take so much out of him. We have a very small family so finding this difficult to deal with

  • Offline in reply to Fi123

    Hey,

    I am so sorry you are having to go through all this. Is he on any pain relief? My father in law is on permanent morphine (however you spell it!) at the moment and like your dad is just exhausted. I think where it is in the bowel and stomach area it doesnt allow any of his food to be digested properly so is losing weight and feeling so tired :( its horrible seeing them like it isnt it :(

    Yes same here, my partner is an only child and and his parents and him are really close. Have you found the counselling has helped at all?

    Sending love to your family x

  • Offline in reply to sashalouise

    Hi

    My dad isnt in any pain which is such a good thing. The type of cancer my dad has is just making him so tired all the time. My dad is eating and eating and eating! He is loving his food. I think he is on some sort of medication and it is also making him hungry so he eats a lot which is good to see. Its really his mobility that been affected and the frustration of not being able to do all the things he used to do and how quiet he has become. The counselling has been ok. Its been through my work and its been more about him listening to me talking and how I am feeling rather than finding coping mechanisms. I dont really know how much use this one has been but I hoping to go and see a different one too who will hopefully show me ways to cope with my feelings

     

  • Offline in reply to Fi123

    Hi everyone, good evening

    I found this thread while searching for support online. I am in a difficult situation and don't know what to do. I don't think I even understand what is a actually happening.

    Boyfriend's father announced he has terminal cancer end of February this year. I have been dating the son for a year and a half and we have been living together for 8 months now. We have talked about marriage and kids and the parents are aware. I was taken to see engagement rings in January and my parents were informed of the proposal plan (which to this date hasn't happened).

    Ever since the announcement of the illness, when I reached out via text, email or phone call to my boyfriend's father and mother  offer help, and ask for news I was bluntly ignored. I haven't seen them in 3 months now despite the fact that we were quite close and I was told by the father that I was 'family', repeatedly.

    As of 10 days ago my boyfriend told me I was not allowed to visit them. They're 'ignoring visitors and all phone calls'. My boyfriend is there every day, brings them groceries etc. I made homemade soup for the mum who is from what I know looking after the father by herself, and didn't get a thank you or anything.

    My birthday is coming up in 3 weeks and I had booked flights for my boyfriend and I to celebrate with my family who live in France. I found yesterday, through a group chat we have on whatsapp that he's decided to no longer attend. He didn't discuss with me first, so I was quite shocked about that. I've told him I'm upset as this is my birthday and I paid for everything. I've asked to stay with him here but he doesn't want me around. He says he needs to be there in case his mum rings to tell him his father is nearing the end (they live 25 minute drive away).

    Is this normal?

    When I tried talking to my boyfriend about the situation and my birthday plans collapsing because of him he laughs at my face and tells me I am overreacting. He says it's a difficult time and doesn't want me to stay here with him in the UK because he doesn't want me to be 'miserable'. I don't understand why he doesn't want his so called life partner by his side throughout this difficult time. He says he expects to be happy and go celebrate in France instead, which I said will not be possible for me knowing what's going on back home.

     

    Can someone please help me through this? I feel like the emotions and what I've told him are justified. I am upset his parents have excluded me from the illness and now my boyfriend is doing the same and has out our entire life on hold.

    What should I do?

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart xx

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