I lost my brother 10 years ago to Mesothelioma, its a dreadful disease as you know caused by asbestos. My brother started with a chest infection and had 2 lots of antibiotics which didn't help. An xray was taken and then a more in depth xray. He didn't really have a lot of symptoms, he was very breathless and gradually lost his appetite. He was never in any pain just tired and breathless. He was a self employed plumber for over 40 years and remembers working with asbestos in the early 1970s. It had stayed dormant all that time but in 2007 something happened, we think it might have been at the gym, where he felt a pain from a muscle under his arm as from then he wasn't the same man. He had never been Ill before so it was quite a shock. He was transferred to the Chelsea & Westminster Hospital where he had a 13 hour operation which confirmed Mesothelioma. He was given radiotherapy soon after as he had spread to his brain and this took the pressure off his brain. He wanted to be at home but the day we arranged to get him home they gave him a double dose of radiotherapy and because he was so tired our plans changed. The next day he developed CDiff which is an infection in the bowel caused by having lots of antibiotics, from then on he deteriorated very quickly although the CDiff cleared up. He had a driver inserted for the pain and it was monitored. He passed away, aged 66, peacefully 8 months after being diagnosed. Its an awful disease and affects many different types of people who had contact with asbestos. You have to take each day as it comes. He was always making us laugh and that didn't change until the last few days. I was devastated as we were very close. I am sure you are doing all you can but i do understand how hard this must be for you. Its a very worrying time. All I wanted to happen was that he was pain free and that was controlled by a driver with morphine inserted in his arm. You must not let yourself be Ill because your dad wouldnt want that. Take one day at a time and take a deep breath.  You have a family that needs you so i can imagine how hard this is for you. It seems to affect people when they are in their 60s through working with or being in a place with asbestos. I still get upset now but its been 10 years and the shock and sadness of losing him is still there but not raw. You are doing all you can its out of your hands. Just be there as much as you can. X

Hello,

I feel like I can relate to your feelings. My mum was diagnosed with cervical cancer, spread to her liver and lungs about 8 months ago. It's been 8 months and I feel I'm struggling the most now and I think this is down to seeing mum getting gradually worse. It's so so difficult.

I understand the sadness your feeling. I can relate to it being the worst possible thing you've been through. I am also on tenterhooks, constantly worrying, have anxiety around my mobile phone (I live 200 odd miles away from mum) in case I get the dreaded call. I am SO with you on that rollercoaster. I go from sad to angry to frustrated... tonight it's frustration. And I do have happy days too. It's just so so difficult isn't it?

I hope you're keeping well, feel free to message me whenever you like... I find it helps me to know others are also experiencing this and I'm not completely alone xx

Hi i cared for my friend during all through his asbestos cancer mesothemlioma illness 

Right up to his last day and minutes at the hospice and took him some items for him in his coffin and Helped carry him in his coffin to the service

so i know exactly what it feels like in your situation except he wasnt my father but he was very close.

i dont know if its too late but there is a drug called KEYTRUDA that has been shown to help in some cases

there is also a lovely lady from chatham that has survived up to date mesothemlioma she is wonderful and brave she is on twitter and

her twitter name is grand mavis 

she is a meso warrior and champions the fight for more research etc in the illness caused by asbestos she would maybe give you a bit more guidance but cant say for sure?

either way us in the twitter community are a band of friends that all fight for the cause and healing of this terrible disease

best wishes and love to you your dad and your family

Thank you Freddie. It's a dreadful illness isn't it? I'm so sorry about your brother. I think from what I understand the cancer lies dormant for years which is why it presents in someone's 60s. I think 1 day at a time is good advice! 

Hi Claire

im so very sorry to hear about your mum. 8 months is such a short time. It is hard watching your loved one go down. I've been reading lots about anticipatory grief. How you go through the same stages of grief but it's when someone is alive. A rollercoaster really does describe it well. I meet up with people and socialise with friends but never talk about my dad ...and about stuff. Then when I get home or at night something sets me off. I know how you feel about the limbo state too, worrying you might get a phone call. It really is tough. My brother lives a in Lancashire and my dad is in London so he is really having a tough time too. It's a long journey and it's knowing when he should come down. It's difficult with getting time off work. I don't live as faraway. Im in kent but still difficult. A lot of what you've said is how I feel. It's hard juggling the life that  is ours ( that is going on)  on whilst dealing with a loved ones life coming to an end. We have been through this before with my father in law too, but my husband seems to deal with things differently! I'm not sure he has feelings. Please do message me. Sending you virtual hugs xx

Thank you Tbone

im not sure they are willing to try anything on my dad now. He had ct results today and they've said he only has ? 2-6 months to live...how long is a piece of string. I think he is so frail that he wouldn't cope.

Thank you for your post. I totally appreciate your support. I really hope that drug benefits someone in the future  xx

Just to update everyone. It's the end of the road treatment wise for my dad. The consultant at Guy's in London said they aren't doing anything else. They can't estimate how much time he has left. He told me today and I cried my eyes out. I know I have to be strong ....but it's tough. I'm 41 and suppose I'm lucky I've had him that long. So going to see my dad tomorrow. . He's told me not to feel sad, and he says he is a Christian ( although only recent) and he believes in heaven....so I guess that faith helps. I'm not religious at all but certainly open minded. I'm determined to make the rest of life a nice one. So we are drawing up a bucket list. I'm going to try and takf each day as it comes xxx

Claire

I totally get how you feel. It's constant worry. Sounds like you need a trip away. I think this does us good sometimes. I also find it hard to get my head round. 

I don't know about you, but I feel due to worry I've not been looking after myself too, I've put on 2 stone. I know some people can't eat. My issue is due to alcohol input. Lol!!I  also went on a low dose of anti-Ds as was struggling with my dad's illness. It's helped but I've ballooned. Sunday ( tomorrow) I'm starting this exercise thing with dietary input. I feel that I've spent so much time worrying that I've neglected myself. I thought exercise might improve my mood too. I was thinking I should put it off, but was thinking no times a good time. My personal trainer said, that you can't be good yto others if you don't look after you. 

Yesterday i I was meant to go on a school trip with my daughter, but over night on Thursday was very sick. I can't help but think that this was due to my anxiety. I knew bad news was coming. Sad because I had to let them down, they had to find another parent. I just felt awful..... however I think the strain of having a loved one ill takes its toll. 

Like your mum, my dad is pretty much carrying on. I think it gets worse when they can't care for themselves. It must be awful for them. Being patted on the head and turned away. I hope your mum is getting some support. I've got my dad going to the local hospice day centre once a week. It's quite pleasant and gets him out. I think they have counsellors there. 

I so know now how you feel, and I'm pretty much going through what you are. I don't feel many people understand. I don't know about you, but I don't really have many people to talk to. My friend said, well at least you are getting a chance to say goodbye. That was not a good thing to say. It doesn't make any difference, it's still damn well awful. I don't think people get it, unless they have been through it. It's all the expletives I know. Anyway, please feel free to share. It's nice to be able to talk to people who know how it is xxxx