Oh Dee, I am so so sorry and send you hugs and prayers. I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through personally and with your son on your mind. From personal experience, I suspect that your husband is finding it difficult to come to terms with the situation and is trying to protect himself as well as your son, which isn't helping you as it must feel quite lonely to be left out of conversations.  

Kids know more than we give them credit for, they can pick up on things and at 13, he probably knows more than he is letting on, he's perhaps just struggling more with what is real and what isn't. The fact remains that the situation isn't going to get better and for what its worth,now is the time when the family unit needs to all pull together, be there for each other as the news is processed and questions answered as honestly as possible, hugs and kisses given, doors slammed, periods of denial ... I'm so sorry for saying this but when you are gone, there will be your husband and son left and it would be tragic if your son was resentful about not being told the truth, however grim, which could make their relationship strained in the future which I'm sure is the last thing anyone would want. Now is the time to spend quality time together, to say all the things you want to say, to ensure your son has been given every opportunity to be part of this journey, and make a difference where he can. I wish you all strength and am so very sorry, you are a very brave lady. xx 

Thank you for your kind words. Jessica298. 

What you are saying is so so true, it's just breaking past hubbys wall, it's hard to go behind his back and speak to my son. 

I started seeing a councillor yesterday and had great chat with her. He obviously didn't come with me (we don't need things like that!) so when spoke bout it after ended in a big row :( . Ah well another day, another battle x

Thank you for you kind words Brighteyes xxx

Hi Dee,

I feel for all of you.  This is such a tough one on the face of it and every family is different.  However, what I can tell you is that my Dad is suffering and closing me out.  I was told in July last year he had 4 - 6 months left, (We have already gone past the max given) but he refuses to discuss things with me.  Three weeks ago he started to refuse my visits (he lives alone)  and now the not knowing is worse than knowing by far, this is because nobody will talk to me, I am now imaging the very worse.

I understand your son is young, but I do know I had to sit my 15 year old daughter down at the weekend and explain Grandad was very ill and would not get better.  My daughter  looked at me and the first thing she said to me was, "Why did you not tell me before?"  I went to hug & comfort her, but she just pushed me away, she was so angry with me.

Obviously your situation is different, your son will be loosing his Mum, also he is not quite as old as my daughter.  But he needs to know.  The 7 months that I have known about my Dad has given me the opportunity to come to terms with things and do thinkthis adjustment period will have helped when it comes to the inevitable.  It has also given us the opportunity to talk about the past and share memories.

I guarantee your son will want to support you through this journey, and it will bring the two of you closer together.  I love my Dad so much, but I am angry that he is pushing me away.  Let your son in, maybe the two of you facing things together may help your husband.  Undoubtedly he cares so much for you and your son, perhaps he is afraid of hurting either one of you?  He probably does not want to be "the teller", but who would want that job?

Your time together is so precious, but without honesty you cannot bemaking themost of it.

Unfortunately there is no right or wrong answer here.  Each one of us have our own opinion and views,  we can only share experiences, and hope it helps in your decision making. You must do what is right for you.

Whatever you decide, I hope you and your family find comfort in one another.  Take care Dee, thinking of you all.

Jo x

Dear DeeDee, I'm so pleased you got to see someone to talk to, but sad too that it ended in a big row. I can't help feeling [in an ideal world] that the last thing anyone wants to be doing, when someone has a finite time, is arguing and battling with anyone particulaly the ones they love.  It just all seems such a misuse of energy that could be redirected into something slightly more positive. I can't help feeling too that your son will no doubt be hearing the arguments and may be feeling unsettled.

It's just a suggestion but since any conversations seem to lead to an argument, is there perhaps any merit in writing your husband a letter? This way he can't argue with a piece of paper but perhaps take the time to read and abosrb all the things you want to say? How perhaps, like him, you just want to ensure the best possible outcome for your son going forward? How it pains you to be spending valuable time together disagreeing when it won't change the eventual outcome? And how you can try and pull together to make a plan as you both enter unchartered waters with no compass? It's completely none of my business, I just couldn't scroll past your update without sharing my thoughts as one of the mantras in my life leading up to my mum's passing particularly, was to try and make sure I have no regrets and if that means speaking up when I feel I should, then the worst that can happen is someone can disagree with me, which I'm totally fine with. Sending you strength and prayers DeeDee. x

Hi Jo

Thank you for taking time to reply. 

I'm so sorry your Dad is doing this to you. It seems a "common" thing that those closest get pushed out. It for me is the very very last thing I would even dream of doing. Again heard about children saying the same thing that why wasn't they told before. I've raised the subject again and got the answer that he knows enough. It's sad cos it's a battle I don't need now as got other things that I want to get sorted. 

Goid Luck my Luv I truly hope things change for you. DeeDee xx

Thank you Jessica for even more kind words. 

So much what your saying is very true. I do feel I'm wasting so much time on rows that will not change anything. 

Hubby wouldn't get past first line of a letter. I do know that. 

Oh well I'll keep trying bring it up but also I am dropping bits & pieces to my son. As last night I came over really "poorly" can't put my finger on it but I know it scared hubby and obviously Daniel was there. I went to bed but this morning (when thankfully I felt so much better) Daniel said to me "why was Dad hiding the sick bowl from me" !!!! I got quite a few things in bout me getting ill sometimes and few other things that may happen, then also said I think Dad don't want you get upset by things. 

Thank you again Jessica xxx