Bex28 I don't usually post but I follow the forum. My husband died August 2015 from pancreatic cancer. This cancer is particularly terrible because there is not much that can be done. If it is caught early than a whipple operation can be performed which will help to extend the life of the person. My husband was able to have this operation and made it to 1 year from diagnosis. That said there are few that have made it to 2 and 5 years just on chemo alone. What you have to realize that there comes a point when not even chemo will help. Also in most cases chemo only extends the life for a few months. So for that last year we spent all the time we could together talking because thats really all he was capable of doing. The pain is extreme but with proper pain medication it can be controlled. The last couple of weeks before he died we put him into pallitive care. Now this did not mean that he was moved into the hospital. He sayed at home with me but I had nurses and doctors I could contact 24/7 and the nurses also came by once a day. All medication was covered through our medicare because he was in pallitive care. I am in Canada so that may make a difference. My husband passed away in his own bed with family. He was quite and comfortable and did not show any signs of pain. You will find that they slowly become more tired, confused, They also stop eating first and slowly stop taking in fluids. The doctors explained that not eating or drinking was the bodies way of protecting itself from the cancer as the cancer thrives on this. It is not an easy thing to do to watch someone you love pass away but you will find when the time comes you will have more strenght then you realize. I will be thinking of you and will pop on here every now and again.

Take care, Cindy 

Thank you for your reply Cindy and I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your husband to this horrible disease. I just feel we've all been so cheated and he's not even had the chance to fight the cancer because of how aggressive it is and how quickly it has spread. I cant imagine what he's feeling and it's hard knowing and slowly coming to terms with the fact that I can't change it. We thought he was a candidate for whipple surgery and I dared to become optimistic about him having a few years but sadly yesterday further scans revealed its spread to other organs. He's already lost 3 stone and very pale. I'm trying to brace myself for this difficult time ahead. Hearing that you have been through this and come out the other side helps just a little. It's never easy losing a loved one but this just all seems so cruel and unfair on those who suffer with cancer. I don't know how you even begin to comprehend that sort of news. I think he wants to stay at home and have nurses come in, he refused the chemo because he doesn't want to be suffering from the side effects of that as well. He is so brave, anyone facing this or that has been through this is so brave. 

Thank you again for taking the time to reply to me

God Bless x 

Hi, I am so sorry that you are about to embark on the journey that so many have taken unwilingly and helplessly, knowing you are heading to a destination that doesn't have beautiful sunsets and breath taking views. 

I lost my mother to blood cancer on 6th January after a 5 year battle and every step of the way, we were kept afloat with new treatments and optimism until the sad day last October when we were told nothing more could be done. And so the horrendous journey started but I knew that this would be a different journey for me. You see I lost my father to suicide when he was 59 and even though I found him, I still couldn't take in the fact that he was gone and indeed that he was the master of his own fate. The emotional rollercoaster was extreme and whilst trying to protect the people around us from the pain [and some would say shame] by saying he had a heart attack and then having his funeral, our chance to say goodbye, robbed from us my our aunts, I can only say that 22 years on, I don't think I have actually properly grieved for him. The anger, frustration, guilt, sadness exploded and I took on everyone and anything to vent this, from funeral directors who messed up the service by wheeling my fathers coffin in on a trolley [!] and not pallbearers to writing to Cardinal Basil Hume complaining about the priest who went to play golf and left my aunts to hijack the service we had planned.  I also needed to support my mum at the time who had to move house and start a new life, thankfully near me.  

And then comparing this with my mother's death and the months leading up to it, at the very least I knew I could have some control, not in saving her or making the forthcoming pain go away but by ensuring I had no regrets. I became a little guard dog, a rottweiler when it came to medical/pallative support whether it was telling the palliative nurse that SHE had to make me appointments with the GP to get more meds for mum when I was caring for her at home and not just leave me to fire fight with a switchboard through to insisting that Hospice at Home nurses came out to assess my mum regularly.  I knew, being the closest to her how she was coping with pain, appetite, sleep, confusion, etc. and I also knew that this was not a dress rehearsal - mum was not going to be another number or appointment, she was a person who deserved attention and care. And if I made myself unpopular then at least I knew I had done my best. I also knew that, despite not being a lovvy dovvy family, I wanted my mum to know that I loved her and so said it all the time. I talked openly about the 'elephant in the room' as so many skirt the issue and if I was having trouble processing it, how was she coping?  After further badgering from me, mum was eventually admitted to the local Hospice [more by luck as a bed came up on Christmas Day] and there she was given such support, care and dignity in her final days, as was I. They made sure she was painfree and comfortable and this time around, I was able to holda parents hand as they slipped away. What I am trying to say is that the destination is set, the road ahead is a long, painful one, there will be falls along the way, obstacles to contend with and as the journey picks up pace, so too does the need to rest, sleep, eat, talk, cry, scream as you navigate your way through. Yu will come out the other end, albeit battered and bruised and despite anyone saying 'well at least they are out of pain and not suffering' it doesn't take away the fact that you miss them with all your heart. I send you hugs and strength all the way. Ann x