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I feel so helpless

Bigsister
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I'm new to this forum and I don't know how to introduce myself because I am just so overwhelmed with grief, so please excuse me posting straight to the forum.

My little sister is dying of breast cancer. She was diagnosed 10 years ago, had chemo and a mastectomy at the age of 35 and we thought she had beaten it, but it has come back in her liver and bones, and she has to have her hip replaced because the tumour has eaten away her hip.

I feel absolutely devastated. This has come as a huge shock and I feel so helpless. I think she has known for a while, as she seems to have accepted that she is dying, and is learning to live in the moment. But I am really struggling with this. I love her so much and i just don't know how to cope with the overwhelming feelings of grief that I have.

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    Hello Bigsister 

    I popped on here tonight but haven't been here for a long time. I saw your post and just wanted to say hello and send you an understanding hug xx. I know the grief you are feeling. I watched my sister go through three different primary cancers. She passed away from a brain tumour. She was so brave and I loved her so much. I totally understand your terrible feelings of grief.

    i know there are no words to help, I wish there were. You will draw strength from your dear sister and she will draw strength from you too. Cancer is such a cruel and evil disease

    Sending you warm hugs, all you can do is just be there and love her and enjoy every precious minute together xxxx 

     

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    Hi Bigsister,

    Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story.

    I know exactly what you mean about feeling helpless. I have over the years lost ten family members to cancer plus Ive had and recovered from prostate cancer my self.

    When my mother was slowly fading away from breast cancer which spread to her brain, I have never felt so helpless in my life. When I was young and fell ill, she alway made me better but there was nothing I could do for her except to support her as best I could. But I felt I wasnt doing enough and this nade me feel so guilty.

    Having been on both sides of the fence, I think it is often harder for the family and friends of the cancer patient. For when I had my prostate cancer, I felt I had some degree of control but when other family members were suffering, I felt I had no control at all.

    You are a very caring sister and I know how hard it must be for you to see your sister suffering. All I can say is try and do lovely things with her if you can and make as many happy memories as you can for these do help later on believe me.

    Sending kind thoughts your way, Brian.

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    Hi Bigsister, I know exactly what you are going through, except in this case I am the wee sister and and it is my big sister who has the cancer. I completely understand your feeling of helplesness, it is overwhelming. I guess all we can do is be there for them in any capacity we can. At the moment we don't know what is going to happen wuth my sister. She had a CT scan two days befire Christmas and was told that it was everywhere and that she would only have months to live! Since then she has been in and out of hospital for scans and fluid removal but STILL hasn't seen an Oncologist - her appt with him is not until 21st Feb, which makes me think it is because they don't think there is anything they can do. My sister lives 130 miles away which makes things difficult. However the major hospital which she has to attend is near where I live so at least she can stay here when she has appointments there. I have also set up a fb group for family and mutual friends, so that I can keep everyone informed as she was finding all the messages and phone calls a bit overwhelming. Of course she does appreciate all the love and concern she has had from everyone. Apart from that and joining grouos such as this I don't think there is much you can do. I am sorry I can't advise you more as I am at a loss myself. I do know that we have stay strong (although that's not as easy as it sounds )and I hope you have someone who can be strong for you My very best wishes for your sister and for you. Big hugs.x
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    Hello bigsister,

    I am new to this on here, but know how you feel.

    I lost my dad at the young age of 13,my mum died of cancer,my brother had it and now my sister who had Overian with has spread to her tummy and lungs.

    I feel so bloody useless as i just want to take it away and make her better again,i have lost so many people i love and can't feel how to cope with another.

    She is such a loving sister,always been there for me and i cando nothing to get rid of this bloody cancer that will take her from me.

    My heart goes out to you,xx jules

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    Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. Even though we don't live very close, we have been in touch with each other through email most of this week.

    Today she's having her hip replaced. This has been very sudden because the tumour that has grown in her thigh is on the point of fracturing her hip. I have offered to look after her after the op, but she is so independent that she hasn't taken me up on the offer, as she has her husband and kids to help her out. So the best I can do is stay in touch electronically for now. 

    It all seems so unreal. I can't believe that I am going to have to spend the rest of my life without her. She's not just my sister, she's my best friend and losing her is the most painful thing ever.

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