Hi Sadcat,

Have you tried unloading some of this onto the professionals who are supposed to be caring for you? This might both answer some of your questions and make them aware of their mistakes. You could do this by phone, in person or via email or letter.

For example, ask the Cardioogist whether you weren't given this information - was it an oversight, did they think that HAD told you or was there a reason for deliberately withholding information? If there wasn't good reason this was both unethical and clinically dangerous! 

I have a similar experience with Oncology, I am way past the original time I was given and they just say that I'm a statistical outlier and so they aren't able or willing to guess how long I now have. This is a good thing in a way, but we all would like some certainty and to be able to make plans! 

Your family doctor probably thought you'd prefer to know the truth about what lies ahead, without imagining the stress that this knowledge would cause. The exact reverse of the situation with the Cardiologist. 

I share your frustration with not being checked for cancer sooner - but we will never know whether the outcome would have been better, worse or the same. I try not to dwell on this as it is pointless worrying over what might have been. 

I just tell people that I'm living with Stage 4 cancer and that just like them I have no idea of how long I have left to live. I mean some time today THEY could have a heart attack, be run over by a truck or be murdered by a pi55ed off cancer patient who is sick of being asked dumb questions! 

Best wishes

Dave

Joyfulofjourney what a beautiful and thought provoking response to the original  post. May your journey be as you wish . Thank you

Hi sadcat

i notice you say you have died before, and it was a nice experience? Can you explain more? I'd love to know how my mum would have felt when she passed x

HI Marie

I am sorry  - I do not want to write about how it was when I died. Every time I write about it  - -i feel the urge to return there for months.  It is just too strong a feeling I get from it. 

No worries sadcat sorry to ask you xx 

Marie

I have re-considered your request. 

I am going to draft a description special for you and others. 

I feel that my experiences were significant. 

May take a day, but will post it.

Here is  a re-account of what happened:

Description of my death or near death experience

It was March28, 2008. I was at a wedding rehearsal dinner. The night before I had been at the bachelor’s party out. I had had a lot of salty foods and was feeling sick, because I had a very badly damaged heart.  At the party I had a beer and a little bit of salty food.  Then I took some of my heart meds. Shouldn’t have taken the meds. I began to feel really bad almost immediately. I told my wife to get me out of there       ( I did not want to cause a problem) , but then I started to cough up stuff . I tried to leave . Got up  and tried to walk away , but only got as far as a big chair. I pretty much sagged down onto the chair . I almost immediately lost consciousness.

As soon as I lost consciousness , I started seeing everything around me as being black. There was also a small round spot which was bright light.  So I moved myself toward that light.  I was not in my body any longer. It was not my body I was moving. It was me, my essence.  For a little while I continued to move toward the light.  I felt a tremenduous feeling of warmth and Love. I was getting near to that light, when I felt ice water on my body, on my neck and head back at the party.  That brought my essence back from the black place and into that room.  I felt myself pulled back into that room.  But, I did not return to my body , I had consciousness from a spot on the ceiling. I was able to hear and see what was happening.

I heard my son , and brother in law  - -they has put ice cold water on my neck and head .  They are doctors. Then they put my body on the floor, after saying  - its time. I could no longer feel anything related to my body.  Then they called 911.  Let me be clear  - I was not hearing or seeing anything from my body.  I had a different consciousness, that was outside my body.  I did not have any consciousness from inside my body.

When the EMT’s arrived, they approached the body on the floor.  Suddenly that body said, I don’t want to go with you .”  So the EMT’s backed up a little and looked around.  The body did not make any move to get up.  So the doctors said to the EMT’s  - - “He is out of it , just take him.”  So the EMT’s put that body onto the gurney and strapped it down .   Suddenly the body said, “ Let me up .”  So the EMT’s  backed up again .  But the body did not make any move to get up. So the doctors said, “Just take him.”   And so the EMT’s did.

As soon as the EMT’s put the body into the ambulance, I was immediately pulled back into the body .  And, everything went dark  - -I could not see or hear anything.

Later.

At a much later time , I described all the speaking and actions that occurred in that room , to the doctors, and they were amazed that I knew anything from that time.

The medical report from the EMT’s for that incident stated that I was in an altered state of consciousness.