Hi 

I'm not sure how to really word this but my dad has pancreatic cancer and possibly days left to live. I don't want to write this as I can't face the cruel reality 

im devastated however he has done well to get as far as he has. He was diagnosed in May 2016 but was showing symptoms from October 2015. Even his consultant has admitted he should've been diagnosed earlier than what he actually was. 

He's had countless ops to put in stents and to have fluid removed from his stomach. The last one being in November 2016 and the cancer has spread at such an alarming rate it's already blocked the latest stent. The chemo he was having didn't even attempt to slow this awful disease and so it was stopped just before Christmas  

Hes deteriorating rapidly and I can't bare it. I don't want to see him like he is as he's very disorientated and in a lot of pain. I don't want to not see him though as I know I'll regret it I just don't want to break down in front of him and make him feel bad. I'm utterly heartbroken 

when will we know if it's time? He keeps saying his body is shutting down and asking for me. I feel like if I go to see him it will be for the final time and by not going to see him he can't die. 

Im sorry for rambling on but I just don't have anyone who understands how I feel.