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Dads Dying, wish every day I could trade places.

Snowlabear
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I'm not usually one to talk or comment on these kind of things, but its hard to talk to anyone as not many people seem to understand. My dad was diagnosed 4-5 years ago with terminal prostate cancer, since then he has been fighting it hard and every day since then Ive begged the world to let me trade places with him. 

Hes my role model, and my favourite person on the planet and believe me .. the nicest guy you will ever meet. Cancer leaves the worst alone and it seems to take the best. 

I dont know what talking on here will achieve for me.. maybe it would be nice to hear from someone who has been on the other side of this and could give me some tips on how to cope, as right now I want to go when he goes. 

 

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    Hi Snowlabear, 

    I can't really give you any advice on how to cope or how it will get better, or anything like that as I'm in a similar situation. My dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer back in June, and I have a lot of the same feelings you have brought up. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in feeling this way, and if you ever need to talk I'm always here. I have found a few people on this site to be particulary helpful as there are others in our similar situations. 

  • Offline in reply to GiftThePresent

    Thanks, its nice to know I'm not alone but i'm sorry to also hear your in the same situation..

    I know that I'm lucky that I have had time to spend with him and that most people do not get the time to say goodbye and to hug and laugh a few more times. But all I have been able to think about is how the world is going to be so dark without him, a place no one would want to be.  Without him I would be nothing and I owe him my life.

    At christmas it was so hard to see him in pain as it has spread to his spine. I just want to swap, I would gladly take all the pain for him. 

    The world seems so unfair and I hate to be dark but its almost like all the lights going to be leaving it soon... I always try to look on the bright side, but there is no bright side of death and I wish I knew the meaning of it all :( 

  • Offline in reply to Snowlabear
    I know exactly how you feel, my darling dad died on the 1st December last year just gone and I miss him dreadfully. He had lung cancer which he battled for 3 years and was a true hero. Like you with your poorly dad I would have taken the pain and fear he had in a flash if I could. He was such a loved man and was loved dearly by his family and also by his friends who all thought the world of him. I knew the day would come when I would lost him to the cancer but I never wanted to imagine that day coming and have done so much research into trials, alternative therapies and private medical treatments for cancer. My dad was scared of dying but when it came to his last few days he had seemed to accept it and it was something I never wanted to accept. I must admit that seeing my dad on the last day cuddled up in bed and unconscious upset me more than anything as he looked so small and poorly and not the strong dad I had grown up with. He passed away that night but I at least knew he was then at peace and I think I would have been more upset at that time if I had had to see him going through another day of having so much trouble breathing and looking so so ill that in a way I was relieved that he had gone to what I believe is a better place and he was at peace. Now the funeral has happened and the new year has started it has started to set in the real reality that I am never going to see him again and I miss him dearly, but you do somehow get a resolve from somewhere. I think there is nothing better than having a good cry to make you feel better and it gives you the strength to carry on. I lost my brother suddenly and very unexpectedly 5 years ago and at that time it was my first experience of real grief and I can remember people saying give it time and I thought that however much time you give me it will never bring him back, but now looking back time is a great healer and although I will never get over losing my brother and my dad I know that time makes it easier to deal with. I really do send my love to your family and I hope you can try and find some comfort.
  • Offline in reply to Snowlabear

    Hi Snowlabear, 

    I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I just wanted to tell you something that my dad keeps telling me. I wish there was something I could do for my dad, to cure him of his cancer, and I know there's nothing I can physically do for that specific situation. But my dad has always said that whatever I do to make myself happy is what he would want me to do. I know it must be so difficult at this time, but I know that your dad would want you to be happy. Our parents don't want us mourning over them, my dad always says, "Don't bury me before I'm dead." It's interesting how the ones with the cancer seem to be more at peace with the fact that they may die, but it's their loved ones who seem to have the most difficult time. I'm not saying you shouldn't be sad, but sometimes I just try to find atleast one thing that makes me happy throughout the day, and just try to take this one day at a time. 

    I often try to find meaning to this as well, as my dad is only 63 and he 's always been a healthy person. Life isn't fair at all. We are very lucky that we get to say goodbye and say some of the thigns we want to say before our parent's go, but the knowledge that there is a timeline on their life can be very scary. Even though we can all die tomorrow, I think it makes the sitatuation much more real when a doctor gives us a timeline. If you ever need to talk, I'm always here. Our fathers sound like very similar people, i love my dad more than anything on this planet, and I have always thought he was the best dad on the planet, so yes, it's been very difficult, but hopefully we can both get through this. 

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    Hello Snowlabear,

    i know exactly what you are going through. In October 2016 my father was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme which in the cancer world they call it the 'terminator'....they have given him 7 months from October which means we have 4 months left. The hardest thing about all this is feeling so helpless that we can't find a cure or any therapy that will help prolong his life. It's like a clock is ticking everyday and it makes me so angry and so furious with the whole world. Have days where my head is spinning and burning and all I wish is that this is all a horrible nightmare. I have never lost a loved one, I'm only 22 and my father is my absolute idol, my hero and the closest person to me, we have always stuck by each other's side no matter what, I have always gone to him for everything, told him all my issues, he's my best friend and losing him is something I cannot let happen, my life without him will be unbearable. 

    What I have learned is when you are feeling at your lowest take a deep breath and imagine all the amazing times you have spent with your loved one and appreciate that you have those time to remember. 

     

    I am here if you need a rant and hopefully we can help each other through this terrible time. 

  • Offline in reply to bexbux

    Hi Bexbux,

    My husband was also diagnosed with this cancer in October and he is 52. We have 2 daughters and we are all in shock. In such a short space of time he has lost his speech and use of his right arm and leg. I am absolutely devastated, it breaks my heart to think that he will never be a grandad or see the girls married. He is such a good man and a wonderful husband and father and he has always been the rock in our family who has done everything to look after us girls but now we are the ones looking after him. I pray and hope for a miracle everyday and they do happen and that is the only thing keeping me going but it is so hard, I also have my dad that has a brain tumour but he has had his for ten years and it's very slow growing so I know that there are some good outcomes for a lot of people and I'm truly grateful that my wonderful dad is ok and doing really well. I just wish with all my heart that we get the miracle we so desperatey are hoping for. Take care and never give up hope xxxx

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