Welcome to Cancer Chat EmsBems although I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend's mum was recently diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and the impact it is having on your boyfriend and your relationship.

Sometimes people tend to take their anger out on the ones they love when they are upset and push them away even when they don't mean to which may be the case with your boyfriend but I'm sure he will reach out to you when he needs you most. Many members here have been in the same or a similar situation with their other halves and will really understand what you're going through right now and I'm sure they will post soon to offer their support and advice.

Stay strong Ems and remember that we are always here for you if you need us.

All the best, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi,

I know that this was posted over 8 years ago and you may not see this or reply but I’m going through a very similar situation with my partner right now.

My partner and I are in our 20’s and have been together for over a year and when we got together his mum had been living with lung cancer for a few years (I think) and had been taking medication to prolong her life from what I know.

When we got together he was trying to embrace life as normal and because his mum was taking medication it masked what was actually going on with her. We met at uni so I think that was also a big distraction from home life and it created this “fever dream” type of experience for him where everything almost felt normal. 

Earlier this year he’d gone home and he had to have a conversation with his mum about what the next steps were with her health and life expectancy and I can tell that has taken a massive toll on him. He came back to uni and I’ve noticed he’s not been himself, even though he’s tried to mask it. I can feel he has distanced himself and become more anxious. He doesn’t talk as much as he used to and finds ways to distract himself mainly through his devices. I didn’t quite realise why he was doing this to begin with, I thought he’d lost interest in me. Since doing my research and hearing other people’s experiences I’ve realised he’s not purposely doing this, he’s trying to find a way to cope, a way in which he can take this all away. 

Recently he’s gone back home for some of the summer and his communication has got worse again, I flagged this up to him and we have since spoken. What I thought was going on has been true and he’s not known what to do. He wants to protect me from what’s going to happen when his mum deteriorates, so he thinks that breaking up is the solution. Although, he has expressed that this is not what he wants to do but feels it may be the right thing to do and we are currently stuck, not knowing what to do.

I completely understand that he wants to protect me but I don’t want to leave him, I want to be here for him, I want to support him. He thinks breaking up is the answer but I don’t want to go anywhere, I want to be here by his side. Not just for him but for his mum and family. 

What I really am reaching out for is to hear from people who’ve been through or are going through a similar situation with their partner. I also want to know the best ways in which I can support him and still be there from him. I can’t let him go through this alone, I’m determined to be there for him. 

Hey Bee7 and welcome to the Cancer Chat community.

I just wanted to send a quick reply as I'm not sure you will hear back from EmsBems as it has been so long since this discussion was last active.

I am very sorry to hear about the situation you are in with your partner Bee7. It must be very difficult, but I really do hope you find a way through this and a solution that is right for the both of you at this very tricky time.

If no-one else replies to you here I would suggest starting a new discussion as it will allow a lot more members to see your post, and hopefully you won't have to wait too long to receive some support and advice.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator