My mum has been fighting cancer for a year and a half now. She was originally diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer . However, over the year she has had a few random lumps on her body which were cancerous. She has had chemo ,radiation and operations and has successfully got rid of them all except one lump(original lump) .But with this, the doctors thought my mum had lymph node cancer, thankfully she doesn't. That was such a scary time for everyone. Mum has had a hard year and she has finally gotten to the point were she has just given up. A few weeks ago she had an appointment and she told the doctors she couldn't carry on with the treatment anymore. The doctors warned her that the cancer could go terminal, if she doesn't carry on the treatment .She's given up on herself, on hope and on me and my family. I understand why ,as I've had to stand and watched her go through this terrible time. Feeling so helpless as I can't do anything that will really help her. But I can't help feeling angry as to why she would give up on us her family. Why would she throw her chance of life away? And to be honest I feel like I have given up my self. I'm finding it so hard with everything that is going on at home ,school work and outside things. I've gotten to a point were in school I would rather go and find a empty classroom and sit there and not see anyone all day. I just can't face anyone as I feel I would just put everyone down. My friends are lovely and so supportive . But, I don't want to put them in that position were they are walking on egg shells around me because they don't know what to do/ say. It's happening to me and I don't know what to do. Also, I feel so guilty If I'm laughing and having a good time because I always think we'll my mum isn't she's sick ,lying in bed, being really really down and not coping . I'm 16 years old and I thought GCSEs were hard trying to cope with it all but it seems to be getting worse. I have a sister who is 19. Me and my sister haven't really been close, even when we where little.ive tried but she's not one for talking. So I can't really talk to her about anything . She is like my dad, they only express their feelings in anger and no other way. Which most of the time makes me feel even worse because they take it out on me. I know it's having an effect on my dad as he has all the pressure of providing for the whole family. He's constantly angry, and when he comes In i try and avoid him as much as I can. I'm so scared if my mum dies he's going to have break down. My family is already falling a part, nobody talks to each other anymore, the house is just silent. I feel like I have no one to turn to, as the only one I want is my mum and I don't know how long she is going to last. This Christmas could be her last Christmas and I don't think I can face that. I feel so numb and depressed I just want everything to go back to normal. But I know it can't. I just can't do this anymore. It's always been me and my mum ,she's always got my back ,she always try's her best for me and picks me back up when I need it. She's the strongest person I know and to see her like this heart breaking .i just can't see a future without my mum. I try so much not to cry but I can't stop when I start. I love my mum to much and I don't want her to die.
