Hi,

just a brief intro... we've been together for 4 years in this time have had a little boy whom will soon be one (christmas eve!) We have a open relationship; no discussion is off limits and are very open with eachother. However, when it comes to his feelings it's a very closed case. He's 28 years old; a builder by trade and stereotypically a 'hard male'!

So two weeks ago, his mother went to the loros hospice to stay for a short visit whilst the dietician helped her and made it easier for her to eat. She has also recently had fluid on her lung which was drained and glued. (about 2 months ago) they then found that the cancer was spreading to her lungs; as to be expected she has terminal ovarian cancer which had spread to her bowel. Now she is having a catheter fitted so i'm guessing that she is nearing the end?

Whilst staying at LOROS she has been unable to eat, now has a syringe drive in to stop the sickness, is generally weak and has lost all motivation to keep up the fight. He's having a real hard time understand this; that she is eventually going to die and it may be sooner than we thought initially. I really don't know what to do to help him. Bless his heart, he is the kindest soul i've ever met and it is heartbreaking to see him at such a loss, i can't offer support as he simply wont let me close enough to. We've not touched for weeks, he goes to bed early when returning from visiting his mother every night after work and is ferrying people to her whom haven't seen her for years. He isn't really seeing our son much, doesn't do much around the house and is generally sad (to be expected) but i'm worried he may be becoming depressed.

The whole acceptance issue, also hasn't been helped as nobody (family) has been totally honest from the outset; she has never said an expected length of life expectancy, how bad it was and generally keeps him and his brother in the dark about everything. I have a medical background but when i try to offer support to my partner he either dismisses it or i am labelled as being 'negative' in reality it is just the truth which he wishes not to hear.

I just don't know what to do, i've suggested talking therapy, i've tried talking to him myself, i've tried affection, i've tried space, i've tried visiting his mom with him, i'm literally out of suggestions and i dont know what else to do. I feel as though we are suffering massively, and i don't know if we're going to be able to recover from this once it is all over? Should i suggest he go see his doctor and discuss it with him? I just want to make sure he is ok in such a difficult time

Also i'm hoping and praying for her health over christmas, as that would be even more awful for the family :( ....

Does anybody have any advice for my partner or how long we think his mom might have left? praying for her and you all. I have suggested that we write some birthday cards for her 2 sons and her grandchildren for big birthdays and their next ones; i hope this doesn't seem insensitive?

Love to all,

Hollie x