My dad

My dad has recently been told stage 4.

Lung cancer,  attached to all major organs, a newly discoverd growth crushing his stent.

2 years ago he was fit n well,  working full time, now he is not.

Hes my hero, i always wanted to grow up to be my dad, and i have.

Im so scared of loosing him, im almost feeling selfish. never have i felt so useless,i would gladly sacrifice my self to save him.

I dont know how long i have with him,and i dare mot ask.

Any words of advice,  please.

Thankyou. x

  • We all cope differently so my suggestions may not be the right ones for you  

    I note that you are still in shock and perhaps even, a little in denial but I don't think it helps to focus on the loss at the moment. If you have a short time left with him, I would urge you to spend time with him doing whatever is important to him. The losses are so huge and there will be plenty of time to reflect on the man who was only recently doing all the ordinary things like working and planning holidays. 

    I know it's hard, but for my partner the most important things are watching NFL, time with friends and cake at Costa , simple pleasures. Maybe he's a gardener and you need to get him some  seed catalogues or maybe he's a football fan and if he's well enough you could go to a match together or plan a special time watching it on TV, maybe with a few beers or tea and you get some posh biscuits or whatever  the simplest thing can make it special I believe

     

    i.  

     

    My oand i sometimes play a board game, we put snacks in little bowls, just like Christmas and we just focus on the game and have a laugh  

    I hope you can make some new memories and generate some smiles  

     

     

  • Hello Michael, 

    OH gosh so sorry to hear about your Dads diagnosis. 

    My dad's also got stage 4 cancer. His started in the bowel which then spread to his lungs and liver by the time he was diagnosed which was April last year (19 months ago). My dad was also fit and reasonably healthy too, working full time as a builder so had a lot of strength. Then he started feeling unwell in 2014 nearly fainting twice and one of those times he was up a ladder. He was then diagnosed about a year after first going to the doctors over his symptoms. Maybe if they'd found it from the start things might of been very different. I'm 27 my dad was diagnosed a week before I turned 26. So it's been very hard dealing with this heartache at a fairly young age. But I've been strong for him and I guess we just cope in the way our minds and bodies respond. My dad's very stubborn and won't give up without a fight. He does like to make a lighthearted joke out of the situation, I guess it helps him cope. My dad only lost his hair 2 months ago and his facial hair only just recently. It's hard seeing someone deteoriate, he's lost the majority of his strength now. But he's definitely not lost his sense of humour or sarcasm which is what I love about him. Create memories with your dad and help him fight, positive attitudes really do help. Take photos and if you can go out and do a few things with him then do so. Time doesn't wait for any of us so make sure you have no regrets. X 

  • Hi Michael,

    I understand exactly how you feel. I'm going through the same thing with my dad... I'm 19 and I'm not ready to lose my dad. Just know you're not alone. We are all here for you. 

     

    Rebecca

  • Hi michael, i lost my dad in september, we had over five years of chemo, in the time he felt better we done as many things as we could, near the end we took it day at a time, we talked, we hugged, we watched films, sat in garden, just spent time together and although my heart is breaking right now and i miss him more than ever im so glad we spent that time together and i know i done everything i could for him and he knows how much i loved him.  I feel for you and know how hard it is and how hard its going to get and my only advice would be take a day at a time and let ur dad know how much you loce him.  Im sure he knows and is very proud of you.  Take care x