Hi Nalah,

I think that many people whose loved ones have cancer will be able to recognise how you feel. I felt something similar when my Mum had cancer but now it's me that's the one with cancer things feel subtly different. I can't explain it, but accepting my own situation seems easier than accepting Mum's situation ever was. 

All you can hope to do is make some happy memories for you and your sister and the rest of your family. However brave your sister may appear on the outside, she may well be feeling different inside. People seem to expect heroism, and we all try to live up to that, but we have good days where things feel normal and bad ones where we just feel like screaming about how utterly unfair life has been. 

Be fair to yourself, this isn't easy to accept for anyone.

Best wishes

Dave 

Hello nalah

ive not been on here for a long time. I saw your post and can understand where you are coming from. When my sister was ill I seemed to gain strength from her and the way she coped. I was very, very close to my sister and it broke my heart when she was diagnosed with brain cancer.  All you can do is just be there for her. I'm sure she is trying to protect you because she loves you so much. My sister has passed away now and all I can say is tell her how much you love her if you can and listen to her and make the most of every second you have together. 

I don't feel I was as strong as my sister but I did my best to cope. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Cancer is an evil disease and we have to muddle through as best we can at the time. Take care xxxx