Feel so down today my mother haven got long to live she got bowel cancer and its spread to her blood we don't know how long she got . We found out last week that it was inoperable we found out this week it in her blood. So much have happened in two years when we found out she had bowel cancer I think I just hit brick wall. I can't think my heads all over place my mother seems alright one day then another you look at her and she looks so pale and tied I seen her last night she was fine she did have little pain but she was laughing with my with my baby boy who 9 months old . She just popped down to pick my sister up and she looks really bad and tied she stayed for fives minutes and went . I'm worried sick I feel so helpless watching my wonderful mother going though this its so cruel I wish this wasn't happen to me and anyone else who going though the same it's cruel writing this just don't seam really I don't want my mother to die it's killing me. My heads like world wind it keeps going round and round what she been though and what she going to go though.i love my mother so much she means everything to me I really don't know what to do it must be bad day today for me I can't shift it . All I want is my mother to put her arms around me and say everything going to be ok god this hurt