i heard the term anticipatory grief for the first time this week, i didnt want to accept it is what im going through because it feels like a betrayel - my mum is not dead, so i shouldnt be grieving. especially because she says, or used to say, that she didnt believe the doctors, that she will stay alive until they invent a new cure. more recently she's not said this so much, not said much at all, just been trying so hard to struggle on, to enjoy life despite the burden of the prognosis, the pain, the nausea, the exhaustion, the many other side effects. 

i realised i need to let myself feel these feelings though in order to be able to cope and carry on functioning, so i can be there for her. that it is natural - that other people have this too, feel this too. i relate so much to what you said vickyd, its surprising how physical it is, how all encompassing, a living nightmare, excruciating pain. and so unfair, doesnt seem natural at all. shouldnt be happening. but it is, and not just to me but to all of you. there is something about knowing other people feel like this, i dont know what, because i dont want anyone else to feel this pain. but to know you would immediately understand how i feel, it helps. this is all happening much sooner than anyone expected. out of the blue it came, she is just 54. i thought we had 30 years, or more. if im honest, i probably thought we had forever. i know you posted this a while ago vicky, where ever you are, whatever is going on, i hope you are ok. sending love. 

Hi Louise,

It doesn't matter what label we put on it, this grief is as real as it gets. As patients, friends and family, we grieve for what we have already lost including our hopes and aspirations for the future as well as for what we are likely to lose and experience in the coming weeks and months. 

Somehow, we have to go through this and still function as human beings as we need to support each other - however much we wish we could just run away and hide to nurse our pain.

Best wishes and good luck!

Dave 

Hi Louise,

It doesn't matter what label we put on it, this grief is as real as it gets. As patients, friends and family, we grieve for what we have already lost including our hopes and aspirations for the future as well as for what we are likely to lose and experience in the coming weeks and months. 

Somehow, we have to go through this and still function as human beings as we need to support each other - however much we wish we could just run away and hide to nurse our pain.

Best wishes and good luck!

Dave