Hi VickyD

I noticed your post because of the title. Anticipatory grief is exactly what I feel I am experiencing right now. My Mum has secondary and terminal breast cancer in her bones. After a brave 3 year fight it now looks like there is no further fight to be had and she has gone significantly downhill in the last 2 months.

I don't know how old you are, I'm 32 and I have no idea how I will cope when she is gone. I worry about my Dad, I cry when I think about her not having seen me get married or have children. I cry spontaneously all the time and none of my friends understand. My boyfriend does what he can, but he doesn't understand either. My biggest fear is that I just won't cope when she dies and I panic that I won't be any use to anyone. I feel like I am grieving now, even though she is still here.

It's strange that we both sought comfort through this medium at the same time. After a hard day at work and some further bad news from today's test results I have spent all my Friday night in tears. Lying here now unable to sleep, which is why I sought out these message boards for the first time. 

I don't think I can offer any words of advice, it sounds as if we are in the same position, trying our best to muddle out way through. However, it is considerable comfort to me to know that I am not alone. I hope it is the same for you.

Whilst it is hard to believe when people say it to me, you are stronger than you know. It will be hard, but we will both get through some how.

I hope you're ok xxxx

Hello, I lost my husband 3weeks ago to prostate Cancer I know just how you're feeling. I sat with him for almost 5 weeks in the macmillon unit whilst he went downhill. We were grieving together for the lifestyle we had lost for a year before that. Then he died and I found myself grieving for him, when he was dying  I knew what I was facing and thought I would not survive the loss when it happened but somehow you do. The first few days were horrible but you somehow find the strength to just keep plodding on, you will too even though you don't want to. Take strength from knowing the love you share, notice not past tense, because that will always be there for you. Accept any help that is offered, I thought I would be alone but friends and family are keeping me going. 

Love and hugs to you both, the future is hard but focus on your loved ones and you'll muddle through. Xx

Thankyou, just hearing from someone who knows what it is like is helpful, my goodness life can be hard cant it? At least your husband had the love and support from you to the end, thats so precious x

Thankyou, just hearing from someone who knows what it is like is helpful, my goodness life can be hard cant it? At least your husband had the love and support from you to the end, thats so precious x