My dad died in the early hours of Sunday morning. He battled cancer for eight long years and fought so very hard. The last six weeks he was confined to a hospital bed in our living room, but it was only in the last week that he stopped being himself and actually stopped speaking and slept all the time. I was so so so close to my dad. He was my best friend and my hero and I loved him more than anyone in the whole entire world. I was heartbroken during the last six weeks and cried my eyes out. However, although yesterday i cried for most of the day, today I feel so unconnected? I feel like he is still here. I'm 21 years old, he lived with his wife and so I feel like he is still here, just in his little hospital bed at their house. I don't understand it at all. It's like my heart is heavy but my mind doesn't understand why. Every time I think about him or his death my mind goes all dazed and I can't focus, I can't focus on his death at all. Is this normal?? I was so close to my dad that I just can't understand why I'm not crying all the time. I just feel like it hasn't happened. People keep saying how sorry they are & funeral plans are in place but i feel like it's not his funeral it's just someone else's. I'm worried this isn't normal. I was so, so close to him and I spent many a night crying about how much I would miss him. Can anyone offer any advice? I genuinely believe he is at his house and is still alive. The funeral is next Friday.
