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My dad is dying

Patricia123
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I can't believe I'm writing this, I can't believe this day would ever come. 8 weeks ago my dad started feeling ill and the doctor said it was flu, over the weeks he got worse and 2 weeks ago we took him to hospital, we got told his body was shutting down and he had pancreatic cancer, we got told on Thursday it is secondary liver cancer and its terminal and he has 3 to 6 months left. He already lost 2 stone and in 3 days has lost half a stone, he is giving up. Watching my dad die is breaking my heart and I'm a mess. I can't function properly and don't know what to do

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    Hi Patricia, 

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad. This must be a very difficult time for you right now. My family was recently informed that my dad has advanced prostate cancer about a month ago. Do you have people you can reach out to that you would be able to talk to about this? Do you have other supports in your family? I'm sending my thoughts your way, as I know there's probably nothing i can really say right now to make you feel better. There are a lot of supportive people on this site who I'm sure will be able to help you through this as well. Try to cherish these moments you have with your dad. How is your dad coping right now? 

  • Offline in reply to GiftThePresent
    Since my father was told he was too ill for any treatment and he doesn't have long he has rapidly gone down hill, he doesn't want to go but knows he is so wants to die now. Seeing his pain breaks my heart. I have a loving family who are all devastated so don't want to upset them, I also don't want other people feeling uncomftable about my grief so tend to withdraw into my shell. The hospice are looking into counselling for me. It has all happened so quick I don't understand it. He only felt tired up until 8 weeks ago when he started feeling ill. Thankyou for your reply
  • Offline in reply to Patricia123

    It's hard for me to come to terms with it as well. I agree that is is so hard to understand. I still ask myself why this had to happen to my family. Why cancer? Why couldn't it have been something else, or atleast have been at a stage where we could do something to cure it? Those questions do pop into my mind a lot, and I know i shouldn't dwell on that, but I think it's only natural. This will take a long time to wrap our heads around this. I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better. I always try to live in the moment as much as I can with my dad. 

    I think the counselling may help you as well. I have signed up for counselling in my area as well. These are issues we need to talk to others about, as I don't think it would be healthy to keep these kinds of emotions bottled up. 

    I really hope you and your family are able to lean on each other for support in this difficult time. 

  • Offline in reply to GiftThePresent
    Thankyou so much for replying, I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through the same thing, talking to people who know what your going through is comforting. Yes I agree and am seeing my father every day and telling him I love him, I know he will always be with me, and he constantly tells me that. Sending you lots of love and hugs, and Thankyou again for taking the time to reply xx
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    HI Patricia,

    I'm in the same situation with my mum. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 4yrs ago and had the whipples procedure. This worked and was cancer free for 3yrs!.Unfortunatly the cancer came back to her pancreas and spread to her lung. She went to chemo and had 6months of treatment, which the chemo damaged her kidneys and has renal failure now. she has lost all her body weight and is struggling with the dialysis. The cancer has been kept a bay, but the kidneys are only working 5-10%.

    I was told yesterday that she dont have long left, and her body will slowly start to shut down regardless of how much dialysis she has. she has no energy and struggles to eat. On top of all that she has MS and severe arthritis to cope with!.

    I'm the same as you, my heart is breaking and i'm a emotional wreck!.

    No words can heal our pain, but i know my mum is proud of me as i'm sure your dad is off you.

    just be there for them and love them until there final beat.

    chin up x

  • Offline in reply to mark83
    Thankyou, we have just been told he has a few days left So I'm telling him how much I love him. I can't describe the pain I feel but at least he will be in peace. Sending you love and hugs x
  • Offline in reply to Patricia123

    I am so sorry to hear that your father has only been given a few days. Just try to remember that he knows that you love him and you have done everything you can for him. I'm sure he is so proud of you and his family. I can't imagine what you must be going through at this moment. I just wanted to say I'm sending my thoughts your way. If you ever need to talk, we're always here to listen. 

  • Offline in reply to Patricia123

    Hi patrica,

    I'm so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with your family. If you need to chat then feel free to msg me xx

     

  • Offline in reply to GiftThePresent
    My dad is angry as doesn't want to talk, his kidneys have now gone, he is refusing pain relief but has now been taken to hospital, I can't stand the pain he is going through its breaking my heart. Everyone is telling me to be strong but as much as I try I can't. I will never forget the look in his eyes when they told him he was dying. I don't know how to cope x
  • Offline in reply to mark83

    Thankyou for replying, I'm feeling like my world has ended x

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