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Mum & her Terminal cancer

Lynn.x.
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Hi I,m new to this site, My names Lynn,

My Mother was diagnosed in May 5th, told her she had cancer but they couldnt fine the  location as there where no markers, which meant lots of tests, scans,more tests .... all the while she got sicker without any medication ... It was hard to see her decline so fast over the past weeks that followed.. Frustration doesnt even cut how I felt. While I was down visiating her, getting weaker by the week. Then in June she was told its  terminal nothing they can do. Chemo would reduce her time with her family ... Her cancer was to far to cure or locate.. How do I feel now ... lost, angry, frustrated so so frustrated ... and angry did I mention angry ..

 

She lives a good 3 hrs away from me and my family, but Ive been going down as often as I can staying  weeks here  and there just to be close to her and my Dad... I have to let them know how much I love and care . Wishing I could do something! Instead of feeling so useless .. being so far away when I,m home  with my own family ... I guess I needed to talk outloud and came across this site .. I,m sorry If im babling on and on ..  But knowing shes going to die in 3 - 4  months ... that was there  given time frame altho it could be less or more  .. I think it would be less seeing  how she has  dedclined health wise  over the past weeks  ... shes now on oxygen taking morphine .. and can  barely walk two steps without losing breath ... Its truly heart breaking .. I never cried the whole time I was  staying with her last week .. kept telling myself  be strong for Dad, make tea, make dinner .. walk the dog .. anything to feel helpful .. keep my mind  away from crying .. I  knew if I cried I wouldnt be able to stop. So i held it back until driving home with my Husband  I cired the whole way home and havent stoped since Ive  been back .. To be honest I,m not sure  what to do, how to feel knowing  she  hasnt got long left .. Heartbreaking, Angry... is how I would say I felt ...

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    Hi Lynn

    Welcome to the forum though sorry for the reason you find yourself here.  I am sure many reading your post (and you were not babbling) can relate to your feelings and this is a great place to share them. I think every emotion possible comes out when we have to face the news that those we love have been given a terminal diagnosis and watching their suffering is so very hard.  I travelled this journey with my own husband for nearly three years(he had a terminal diagnosis from the start with Mesothelioma) and recognise the huge frustration that I was powerless to help and I was living in the same house!

    Your Mum and Dad will know how hard it is for you, as well as for them and that you are doing all you can to be there for them both when time allows.  When my Dad was ill with Cancer over 8 years ago now I was married with a family and working and could  not be there as often as I wanted and wished I could have done more but the practicalities of every day life do not always make it possible.  Not at all surprised that having held it together whilst visiting, you then fell to pieces on the way home and still crying.  Our emotions have to have some release and I hope you too have support.

    Please come back to the forum when  you feel the need to vent as there is nearly always someone who can offer a virtual shoulder and even if you cannot be with your Mum in person you can chat by phone in the meantime and I hope this will help a little.  Hope talking here will help a little. Jules54 

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    Sadly my mother passed away on the 20th June in her sleep along side my Dad, Its been a  hard time processing with having had the funeral on the 1st July.. It was a lovely service with such a big turn out for her ... As a family were all torn apart yet closer than ever before... I read the posts on Fb about her such lovely comments so heart warming and felt by us all ..

    Coming to terms or trying to has been hard to say the least.  I finaly understand the term  * Broken Heart*

    As mine feels like it has broken in to a million peices, yet looking at my daughter  and hers breaking too, mine comes togeather  slowly as we try comfort each other...  They say times heals all hearts eventually .. we shall see how that goes ..

  • Offline in reply to Lynn.x.

    Condolences on the loss of your Mum and hope you can find some comfort that she passed peacefully. Supporting each other within the family and friends that you have will help in the days/weeks ahead and use the forum if you need to offload anytime. Allow yourself to take small steps through your grieving journey and no one can take away the memories you now have stored in your heart. Be kind to yourself. Jules

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