1 year ago my mum was fine

just over a year ago, I noticed my mum wasn't quite right. I had suspected for a a couple of years she had Parkinson's but no one took me seriously. I work for private doctors and 2 years ago I had her hear lungs and liver scanned for any sign of disease. When she started to do down hill last Year, I was so convinced it was Parkinson's I made it my mission to have her diagnosed, I was right she did, took 3 months of pushing to get an appointment, and then mum started to complain of constipation, kept telling her it was the Parkinson's. And then honestly to stop her moaning, I took her to sort a colonoscopy. Long story short, she had rectal cancer and it had spread to her liver and lymph nodes, my guilt overwhelms me. Now one year later with chemo and antibody treatment it's in the lungs  too and is terminal, I am on antidepressants, I am about to lose my job, because I can't concentrate and she has a year left, now because of the Parkinson's she is becoming a child: it's been advanced by the chemo, I feel I lose a little of mum every day, and it's all my fault 

  • oh do not blame yourself i am sure your mam dos not think that way i have just been diagnosed with kidney and lung cancer and my girls are going crazy with worry it is not a nice place to be darling but i am sure your mam is proud of how supportive you have been of her you take care of yourself xx

  • My aches for you reading your words,  I am sure no matter what anyone says you will blame yourself as guilt is not always rational.

    I blame myself for so many things, I wish I had seen how ill my mum was despite her claiming to be ok and just having stomach ache, I was away on holiday when she sudeenly went into hospital and died and i cannot forgive myself for not being there, but we cannot possibly know everything and can only ever do whatever we thought best with what we know at the time.

    My thoughts are with you and your family