hi everyone, I actually don't know what to say but I'm here because I'm lost!. My lovely dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer in December 2015. It came as a big shock to us because he had gone into hospital to have routine surgery (Gaul stones removed) but when they opened him up they told him he had an aggressive tumour! Dad had been in and out of the hospital for over 2 years with 're occurring water infections' he had had some scans and blood tests but they never spotted this massive tumour! After further tests they told us the rumour had spread and was punching on the bowel, they also told us they couldn't operate but that he would be given a 12 week chemo course! He was doing really well on his chemo then all of a sudden he got an infection caused by a blockage in between the 2 organs.. The cancer had grown! He was admitted to hospital where we were told he needed a colostomy within the next week or he would die, we opted for the op as we had no choice! Dad was sent home and 2 weeks later he still hasn't been called for the operation! One day he woke up and looked horrendous we called the do red and he got rushed into hospital, there we are told he had septicaemia and possibly wouldn't make it through the night! Lucky he did but they run decided to go ahead with the op and it was a success as his stomas have takes no lovely. Unfortunate though he ha to stay in hosp for 3 weeks and literally didn't eat a thing! Dad has done from a big strapping 6 ft 15 stone man down to 10 stone in 3 weeks! We decided enough was enough and we wanted him home! In order to do that I had to take on the care of dad until a care package was put in place by the hospital! This entails giving him his needles changing and emptying his bags and washing him! Dads so weak and looks so pale, my poor mum is trying to feed him and he ha eaten every day even though it's small since he has come out! 

Im sorry for the long essay but I feel like I need to tell whats been happening the last few weeks.

so, we are at the point now we're dad is sleeping most of the day and only really wakes up for medication or a glass of water. 

I feel like my heart is broken. I look at my dad and there are so many things I want to say but I don't want to scar him or upset as I see fear in his eyes and that's what's killing me! I feel helpless and in a bubble and I can't seem to focus because im petrified of what is to come.

I am 32 and my dad is 67 but he is a young 67 and has worked even right up to December last year!