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Stepfather has been diagnosed with terminal cancer

Polly1993
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Hello, 

My step father has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and has been given only a few months left to live. I am in complete shock at the moment, I keep feeling like we should not give up and keep reading stories about people who have had terminal cancer and miraculously survived. I just can't accept that he is going to die, I can't comprehend it. I have only known my step dad for four years and he is the kindest person I have ever known. I'm so worried about my mum and how she will ever cope with his loss. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation where a relative or friend has only been given a few months to live and has actually lived a lot longer? I am currently in my third year of university and I have exams in a couple of weeks. My step dad has told me to focus on my upcoming exams and to do my best in uni for him. I'm not sure how I am going to be able to do this, my head is all over the place and I can't even think about trying to pass my exams but at the same time I don't want to add the extra burden of me leaving uni to my step dad and mum. If anyone could give me any advice it would be so greatly appreciated. 

 

 

 

 

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    Hi Polly

    First thing tell your personal tutor about your stepfather's position - they should be able to grant you mitigating circumstancesin your exams.

    Its difficult to comment without knowing the details of his case - what sort of cancer is it? Is he getting any treatment to try to reduce the cancer and make him more comfortable?

    People do beat the odds and live a lot longer than predicted and there are several on here who have although that being said they are usually receiving treatment and they have unexpectedly good results from that.

    I think if the doctors are saing that its just a few months the chances are sadly against him and he could go downhill suddenly so be prepared for that.

    Has your mother contacted McMillan? they can help with all sorts of things from care, to financial worries - check out their website and call them.

    most of all look out for your mother especially afterwards yes it is going to be tough and especially for her.

     

    Good luck

  • Offline in reply to GrahamM

    Hello Graham, thank you for your reply. I have contacted my uni to explain the circumstances and I am just waiting to hear back from them. My step dad has viral cancer (I think that is what it is called) originally the tumor was on his neck but it has since spread to his chest. My heart is breaking for him and my Mum and I'm trying my best to stay strong but I just can't accept it, I keep looking on websites where people say they miraculously beat terminal cancer and I just keep hoping that he will be given more time. He is starting chemo next Friday (which we are also worried about - why is it not happening sooner?) He was given the option not to have chemo but he has decided to try and fight it for as long as possible. I just don't know how to deal with all of this and I'm trying to be there for my Mum and step dad but I am a really emotional person and I'm struggling to hold it together. I just don't understand why the hospital are not treating him sooner if it is spreading. I thought the quicker he has chemo the more chance he has of having more time with us. 

     

     

  • Offline in reply to Polly1993

    OK not a lot to go on but there are about half a dozen viruses that cause cancer - we've known this quite a short period of time - one of the most common is cervical cancer which is why there is a program to innoculate girls at school now - based on your age you might even have been one of the first yourself.

     

    A very similar virus called the Epstein-Barr Virus can infect the mouth and throat and cause cancer there - maybe, just maybe, that's what he has if it is a viral cancer but it's a bit of a leap.

    Anyway regardless of that, they have to find him a slot for chemo treatment, they have to have a certain number of nurses to keep an eye on everyone - yes the sooner the better but in practice a couple of weeks wont make a lot of difference - most important will be how strongly the cancer reacts to the chemotherapy agent and how well he tolerates it.

    Te problem with chemo is that cancers have their own dna and replicate faster that other cells and they adapt and evolve immunity thats why a time comes when a particular treatment stops being effective. As they are poisons they also affect the patient - the art is to control the dose to hurt the cancer more that the patient. what can happen though is that blood counts can drop from the chemo and if they get too low then you cant have more chemo until they are up again and that is time when the cancer isn't being hit with chemo.

    The chemo also compromises your immune system so chemo patients can get hit by infections and that can be dangerous.

    Having said that some people find chemo fairly tolerable and respond very well to it and it can push peoples cancers into dormancy for months or even years in some cases.

    It's definitely worth trying as the alternative - well it really isn't an alternative is it?

    It sounds as if the next weeks and months could be tough and your mum's going to need your support so emotional or not you're going to have to toughen up a bit and be her shoulder to cry on.

    We cant have you all breaking down in blubbering messes while your stepfather looks on saying "Oi I'm the one who's sick here!" :c)

     

    Good luck - be strong!

  • Offline in reply to Polly1993

    Hello Polly, I'm sorry about your step father.  I'm unfortunately in the same situation with my dad he has stage 4 lung cancer he was diagnosed in February.  He's cancer is also terminal, my dad has just had hes second round of chemo, if your dads cancer in untreatable either and the chemo is to slow things down, you may find like my dad the chemo isn't of the same strength as if they was giving it to someone who s cancer can be treated.  Before my dad had chemo he was horrendous sleeping up to 4/5 times a day now he is a lot better physically but not emotionally he is so scared.  I've been like you I still am scouring the Internet for cures and potions and miraculous stories.  It is awful but I'm making myself feel ill now for being in such a state.  Try to be kind to yourself and look after you, and I will try and take my own advice cxx

     

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