My dad has terminal cancer

So where do I start - my dad was a type 1 diabetic, daily injections etc. His kidneys had started to fail so he received a kidney and pancreas transplant which means he would be on immunosuppressants for his life however he had a healthy kidney and no diabetes! All was well, 6 years on and he had a cough, smokers cough. For a long long while. He's recently been getting quite severe chest infections, he kept going to the doctors and they kept sending him home with antibiotics and breathing apparatus to 'open his airways'. They told him he was fit to go on holiday a month ago for 3 weeks with my step mum to New Zealand - trip of a lifetime! During the holiday he was coughing more than usual and found out he had cracked a rib on the right side, they gave him painkillers and told him to take it easy for the rest of the holiday. When he returned back to the UK his feet and legs were in serious pain and he couldn't breathe probably and was struggling to do anything without running out of breath. After another trip to the doctors they told him he had a high instep and listened to his chest and said all was absolutely fine with him. The next day, he was in so much pain and couldn't breathe so we took him to the hospital. Here he was informed he had blood clots in the feet, legs, chest and lungs. They also sent him for an X-ray to find out why the chest infections had lingered so long in his body. That's when they found the cancer. After an MRI, biopsy and a 7 day stay in the hospital, he was sent home with blood thinners for the clots and a two weeks wait time. Friday we went to the oncologist for the results feeling hopeful they may have caught it early because of the blood clots alerting us but no such luck. He has stage 4 lung cancer which started in his right lung and moved to his left, including the outer lung walls and the airways. When my dad left the room I asked the doctor what his chances are to survive the year and he said very slim. He's having a chemo consultation in two weeks as they need further tests to find out which strain it is and which chemotherapy to give him which will be most effective. What do we do? How do we cope? I am 22 and my dad is 49, he's so young to die so early. I just don't know what to do or say, I'm so scared of losing him. Every time he coughs now (which is very very often) all I can think about is the cancer. I wish I could do something to help him. His breathing has got worse in the last couple of days and he's been throwing up some fluids because of him coughing so much which makes me think he has a pleural effusion (I research a lot). He's also very tired recently and goes to bed hours before his usual time, he has no appetite and he's lost 3st in the last 3 or 4 months. Are these signs the end is near? Surely the doctors would have warned us or kept him in if it was really that bad? I panic about everything, every cough, every breath, cold hand etc everything so I may be looking into it too much but I hate not knowing. Sorry this is so long I just wanted to explain the situation and see if anyone out there can relate or advise. 

  • Hi Kimberley,

    What an awful situation for you and your family to be in.
    Your Dad should have a lead nurse who is there to answer these sort of questions, if he doesn't have one ask his doctor. These are good questions to ask and they may think they have lready answered them, but communications sometimes get confused.

    Alternatively ring the nurses on here - they will be available all day from 9am to 5pm Tel 0808 800 40 40

    www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../

    Good luck
    Dave

  • This is all new to me. I am glad you have been given some advise.  I have an uncle with cancer in his tummy.  I also have a son who had a brain tumour in 2002.  Kieran my son is doing really well with no recurrences. And my uncle has beat cancer for a year now, so there is hope, I really hope your dad gets better,you are so brave,from jane. Love and light.

  • Thank you both. He has been re admitted to hospital and told he has pneumonia more blood clots and a severe infection on the lung and the past 9 days the cancer has got bigger! Don't know why and how it could have got worse so quickly. They are giving him oxygen and he can't seem to walk without it, even a few steps. So sad to see such an amazing, strong man be cropped by this awful disease. His 50th is in August, I hope and pray he can make it. He is still in good spirits although I think this is probably for our benefit rather than his own- the nurses love him! Just wish I could do more, I would give him both of my lungs if it was possible. They are giving him steroids and antibiotics which they said he has improved very slightly so hopefully he can battle through this at least until they can give him some chemo. Thanks to all

     

  • I'm really sorry to here this , the very same happened to my dad , he was given anti biotic s 3 times by his Dr before he went to the nurse , she sent him to get an x ray which showed a mass in the bottom of his lung , tests showed up stage 4 lung cancer which had spread to his spine . My dad went down hill very quickly , least your dad has a bit of a chance. Spend as much time with him as you can , you will never get thus time back . 

     

    Rob

  • Hi Kimberley, 

    Sorry to hear about your father'sdiagnosis. It most definitely is a very difficult time for you all as a family. It can be so hard watching the person you love deteriorate. I hope your father recovers soon so that he becomes fit and healthy to be able to have some chemo. Please remember that despite what the doctors have said about it being slim if he survives the year this is just their opinion. There is nothing to say he won't outlive that time. 

    I'm 26..I will turn 27 next month. My Dad has stage 4 'incurable' bowel cancer with secondaries to the lungs and liver. He was diagnosed a year ago next month. Since then he's had an emergency operation which would have been fatal if left until the following day, a blood clot which then lead to him having a stroke only last month. It's been a really tough year so I can sympathise. We are constantly worrying...not so much about the cancer itself but about all the other things he could end up getting wrong with him. We try to live each day as it comes rather than focusing on the future ahead. My dad has been given 'palliative' chemotherapy. Palliative means that the chemo won't be to cure him but hopefully shrink the cancer cells and help with some of the symptoms, it may also help prolong his life. 

    I don't think there's any normal way of coping. I think we just learn how to cope as we go along. The best advice I can give you is make the most of every day, spend time with your father, if you can then build some memories, take some photos, talk about the past etc. Be kind to yourself and if you do feel the need to have a cry, or scream then do so. I only cry when I'm in my own house away from my parents to see. My parents haven't seen me cry once this past year because when I'm around them I'm their rock, I'm the strong one. 

    Wish your father the best of luck with his journey x 

  • Hi there, I'm really sorry to see your dad is so poorly. The advanced lung cancer causes the blood clots I'm afraid. It reeks havoc with the blood and body. Lung cancer doesn't have a very good prognosis at all when you start doing research. I can only relate with my story of my dad. He was poorly and lost lots of weight in his final couple of weeks, he was diagnosed and passed 3 days later from a pulmonary embolism. Life is so cruel and 49 is far too young! My dad was 64 and I wish I'd had another 20 years with him even just another 1 year!  I can only comment from reading 'what to expect near the end' on Macmillan website to say my dad did display several of the signs that it was the end. All this aside, your dad is here now so try not to focus on when he's not here, hard I know. Take each day as it comes and spend lots of time with him. One thing I've learnt is that life can and does change in the blink of an eye. Some things are better not knowing, just live for the moment. Take care and I'll be thinking of you x