Welcome to Cancer Chat Nobby1973,

I thought I would bump your post and bring it back up to the top of the forum. I am sure others will be along soon who are in a very similar situation, having heard that their mum or dad has been diagnosed with cancer.

I will let them come and say hello and I am sure they will have some great coping tips in this extremely difficult situation.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi I am in the same situation as you, my mum has been diagnosed with lung cancer and it's breaking my heart, so I know exactly how you feel. I'm putting a brave face on for my mum, when all I want to do is rewind time and be a little girl again! Seeing her get worse and worse by the day is killing me. Hope u find the strength to get through tough times ahead.

I can honestly say I've never experienced anything like it,how your world just comes crashing down on you. I'm exactly the samw as you by staying strong around my mom and dad but deep down the heart is breaking every. Second my mom starts her chemo today and just hoping and praying it goes well to buy more time hope you get through it too and thank you for replying because sometimes you feel like it's ' just yourself going through it 

Hi Nobby,

The first thing I'd say is that it may seem small and it may seem playing with words but from what I understand it sounds as if your mom is incurable rather than terminal.

Technically terminal is a condition that will result in someone's death in a relatively short period of time, often taken as under 6 months, untreatable is where there really isn't anything they can do to help the condition and incurable is something that isn't going to get better but without any really known timescale.

My wife was treated for her cancer for two and a half years, she was incurable, then the chemo options ran out and she was pretty much terminal at that point and died about 4 months after that.

The thing is we had over 2 good years with her being pretty fit and we went of foreign holidays and built greenhouses and had a pretty good time in many ways.

You may not be as lucky with your mom but don't start grieving before she's gone. maybe you'll have a few months but it could be many months or even years you need to focus on quality of life - not the time she has left but what you manage to get into that time.

If you're this worried she will be just as worried and it doesn't help anyone - find enjoyable things to do, distract her, take her mind off of it they will be also be times you'll remember with  the greatest fondness.

I particularly remember going to the beach with my wife and kids on August bank holiday and having fish and chips on the sand - we knew she was untreatable and terminal then and she died a month later at the start of October - now we could have sat together fretting over it - I'm glad we didn't

Best of luck - make this time as good as you possibly can 

Hi Lee

I know its tough at the moment but hopfully you  will start to cope a little better once you start to help your mum getting organised with her treatment. Its how your brain lets you cope by giving you something to focus on. Just be there for each other.Still try and do some of the things your mum likes to do if she is able,sometimes just sitting down and letting her know you are there for her will help her feel secure and not alone. I Wish you all the best .Cherub x

Thanks everybody for the advice it really helps I'm just doing as much as I physically can helping with housework shopping but most of all keeping her company having some laughs talking about the good old days sometimes that can be the best remedy, 

Thank you