Hi cherub

It sounds as though you did a brilliant job looking after your sister in law in her final weeks of life.

I am not surprised you feel lost after such a difficult physical and emotional experience.

There are others here coming to terms with the loss of loved ones they have cared for, so they will understand how you are feeling now.

Please come and share your thoughts whenever you find it helpful.

Best wishes to you,

Jane

Thank you Jane Its good to meet you, 

Yes I did not realise how hard this would be. Its hard now as I feel lost and dont know what to do with my self ,we left home for 6 weeks and went to live in London, It was so different from the little village I live in.

I just did not realise the impact her death would have on me. and how I felt when I checked her and she had left us. I was relieved. I was sad ,But I was glad she was no longer just lying there waiting to go . The strong beautiful lady was only 50.

Your one strong and brave lady. I am trying to hold it together myself army BF has cancer and has been told at best 12-18months left she has. Our talks have gone from discussing nail Polish to funerals by a flick of a switch. She wants me to go with her to sort out her funeral plan.i really have no idea how I'm going to keep it together.i am in awe of you and what you have done for your sis in law. I hope to be as brave as you. 

Leanne .it is hard I will not lie to you ,I had the discussion  with christine about her funeral.She did not want to tell her brother (my husband ) to worry. we called it the thing we did not want to talk about. she told me over a few days what she wanted . A natural burial site ,No headstone ,just a tree, I did not want to do it but I phoned and found out all about it for her. she seemed happy that I new what she wanted..I felt if I did what she wanted she could rest assure it would be done by the book, you will keep it together it will be something you just do, its like a challenge to make it all ok , I hope you manage to help your BF, its the last thing you will do for them ,Be strong if you can . I dont consider myself brave ,I just did has she wanted ,you will too xxxx

I'm trying to hold it together. She wants me to go with her and I will to sort out what she wants. I know I'll keep it together infront of her but away I'll be broken. It's something no one else can do, she doesn't want to ask her husband as he wouldn't cope and her daughter is 7months pregnant and I wouldn't want her worrying and going through that. It's weird really, we haven't had the I'm dying talk',  we have gone into plan b mode. What do we have yo do next. It was her 50th last week and she had a big party. I sat and watched the celebrations knowing how bad it is and the rest of the party goers were oblivious. She said she only wants those that matter to know.i sat and took pictures to mark the occasion and at the same time at the back of my mind doing so because itl probably be the last birthday. We have tried my best to make her laugh in the awful situation, pic nics whilst avin chemo and doing her nails etc. But now I'm giving an Oscar winning performance. Still making her laugh and doing small things as I normally would do. I'll try n be brave like you help her through it, I'll deal with my own feelings later. Leanne, ps thanks for the reply, it feels like I can cope when I read other people's responses. X

Hi Leanne,you sound like you are doing so good already. Its so good she has you in her life. and for her to trust you with the illness and not to many others shows she is safe and secure in your hands. sometimes I dont think you need to have  the dying talk,she could respond well to the drugs and keep going on new trials for a few years. Just carry on doing what your doing been there for her ,you could not do anymore than that at the moment. I am glad I could help a little ,If you need to chat you know where I am .with Hugs from Cherub xx

Karen was taken into hospital last night. She had her Chemo wed and last night she was in agony,  her stomach was hurting her, they have told her the cancer is now not only in her lung but also in her pelvis and stomach. We knew this week's ago. They are settings g her up in a ward and I'll be up to see her later.  we haven't had the I'm dying talk' there us no need, we can read each other like a nook but she wants to sort everything out. She's a fighter. She's texting me even at the moment as I'm typing this message to you. I'm glad can just type away and talk to you. I can't talk to anyone as it's just too upsetting. Least I can type what I feel on here. Well I'm off now to get sorted and do my best nurse Betty impression.  Xx

I admire how strong, kind and brave you are. It is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone you love: being there when they need you most, not shying away from the rough bits. Putting someone else first and not worrying about the emotional aftermath that hits us later. The moments we remember that haunt us for a while. Really being there for someone is a beautiful thing. I wish you strength. 

After a wk in hospital karen is home. Glad she went in when I was on holiday, I teach so had 2 wks off. The day I broke up she went in. I told her she did it on purpose!  She now has to inject herself as she has it in her hip bone. Morphine in liquid and tablet. She's gad a bad day today as the injection causing her more pain than ever. They have put forward her next scan. They think the nerve endings are being hit with cancer causing her mega pain. Being positive but at the back of my mind... She is now working 3 days a week. Funny how life can change in an instant. We talk alot about everyday things, we both have agreed life goes on. We need to continue as we always have done. Hope your well. Leannex