hello, i am also losing my mum, she has fought breast cancer 5 years now. On off.

Lost breast, different chemos and radiotherapy, has massive hole in her chest that is a secondary

skin cancer thing, needs her wounds dressed each day by a nurse. The holes so deep can see to her bone.

Mum started losing weight, she is boney now and wont eat much, only milkshakes.

she is confused delirus point of not knowing where she is, we dont know if its seondary gone to brain,

or just medication effects, an infection, dehydration, anxiety. She sleeps a lot.

Watching her deteriate is so hard. i feel in a day dream. I can sense her fear yet she is letting go.

I feel alone as my sister dont want to talk about it too deep, shes just had her first baby yesteray too.

My dad is my mums carer and wearing him down but hes devoted to her, he doing well.

I feel sick my stomach is in knots each time i go visit or come back way after i break down crying.

I feel the mum i know has already gone, an early grievance pain.

She will jolt in her sleep, is restless, fidgity, she cant dress do up buttons she gts scared and frustrated that she cant do these things. And that in turn, makes me want to cry, it s so unfair.

My mums 69. Shes everything, and such a kind lady.

i dont know what to do either. I am in a daze, i am going through motions on auto pilot.

I dont think i can cry any more, ive cried all my tears, ive given myself migranes over the amount of crying.

She is distancing herself, she is preparing, she doesnt want to see or hear grandkids, she loves them dearly and always has been great role model in my kids lives shame she wont be able to be with my sisters new baby for long and my youngest wont remember her he is only one.

She was such an organised person and the house is mess with papers and medications, she is desperatly trying to cling onto life so jolts snaps back out of sleep and says weird stuff but then goes back to sleep. She tried tidy up goes to do it then forgets. To see her dignity and how much she put into effort of organised and seeing her n a muddle of mess is heart breaking.

I have my kids and partner and caring for mum going over nearly every day if not every other.

t comes in waves, i can be ok, then i go see my sons school play and think mum usually came to these too, she always wanted to be involved, we involved her, She cant drive no more. I see people with their mums and feel angry or that we get to live on and mum cant.

Cancer is such a skin wasting disease, my mums in the last stage and advanced cancer.

I feel so lost