Hi Georgie,

Thank you for your reply, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. It is awful news and so difficult, although since I have known for almost 7 months now that my dad's cancer is incurable, I can say you do learn to live with it.  I still get really upset but not as often. I've nearly finished my final year in uni, and it has been difficult to try and juggle uni work and being with my family, but my lecturers were really great and I got extensions on all my deadlines.  So if you're concerned about uni next year I hope that's a comfort. 

Your situation does sound very similar, I didn't hold out much hope for the palliative treatment but it has worked so far, and I really hope it works for your dad.  My dad is struggling from the chemo at the moment - he has finished it now but it has had an accumalative effect so he's got slightly worse each time - although this might not be the case with your dad as each person experiences it differently.

I wish you all the best with your appointment, and feel free to message me any time - it really it comforting to know others are going through it too :)

Hope to hear from you soon xx

Hi MXB,

Thank you for your reply, our situations do seem very similar! The only difference being my dad didnt have chemo before his planned operation. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. It is horrible to have hopes of him having the operation and then finding out they can't go through with it. The only comfort I find is that if my dad did have the operation, there were so many complications - one of which being a 20% chance he wouldnt make it. I think it's so difficult to make the best decision - to have an operation or to not, to have chemo or to not; you never know which is the best thing to do.

Can I have how quickly your dad deteriorated? We don't know how much time he has left and he doesn't want to know, but at the moment he is eating less and not feeling as well, but I'm not sure if this is the effects of the chemo or from the cancer itself.  It is almost a year now since he was diagnosed.

Thank you for the eating tip, will try that!

Hope you are doing as well as you can :)

Hi stardust14, 

I do often think if my dad didn't have chemo first then he might still be here but thats a thought I try to get out of my head, its just the way it happened. It was a bit of a roller coaster with us because he was going to trials then when they came round he had got too poorly and was no longer suitable for them but he was a fighter and wasn't going to let it ruin his life.

After the chemo in july he seemed okay, pretty drained but picked himself back up, went on holidays and lived a normal life. He managed to see my sister get married in October. Between April and October he had lost about 6 stone. In November he was taken really ill and had to be admitted into St lukes hospice and we all thought that was going to be the end. But they put him on a saline drip and it turned out he was just dehydrated. The change in him was unbelievable after he got some fluids so nurses come to our house every night and every morning to set up and take down a saline drip to rehydrate him and he did much better. 

He was still working right through to Christmas but just had to have naps through out the day. After Christmas he became so weak and needed help with most things so we got a hospital bed in the living room so he could go to bed but still feel a part of things.  By this point he was on 4 syringe drivers which were constantly feeding him drugs. 

He was set to go on trials on the 19th January however he was in a lot of pain and the nurses had to up his drugs and that morning he didn't have the energy to get out of bed. He decided to sleep a little bit longer and unfortunately that was the last time he was conscious.  He died 2 days later. 

I'm sorry if my story hasn't helped you. But if your dad isn't getting enough fluids throughout the day I would definitely recommend seeing about a saline drip as my dad was like a new man after that. 

It has been just over a year since he died and It still hasn't hit me yet. 2 months after he died my mom was rushed into intensive care with a brain haemorrhage so I feel I haven't had the time to be as upset as I should with worrying about her so much. She is fine now and we were so lucky that she got the help as quickly as she did or things could have been so much worse. 

It's finally hitting me now I think, I am part of a very large and very close family and my cousin has recently been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and it's bringing back all the memories and I am struggling with it all. Shes already fought off breast cancer so i know shes strong enoygh to get through it, its just whether theyve found it in time. 

I guess I've put off thinking about everything  for so long it's all hitting me at one. I do have a lot of support though and a very strong family, I hope you have a strong support network too! 

I'm sorry I've had a little rant!!

Hi stardust14, 

I'm really glad you got the support you needed during your final year - it's so important!! I've been given extensions on my assignments this year which is good and my tutors have been really supportive. I'm back at uni for a couple of days now to hand in my assingments but it's so hard being away from home now! Were you in second year when your dad got diagnosed? 

I'm really glad the palliative treatment is working for your dad - what side effects is he suffering with? My dad is currently really struggling sickness and I'm just a bit worried that chemo will just add to this. 

Thank you very much :) 

xxx 

Hi MXB,

Thank you for your reply and sorry I haven't replied sooner. I'm so sorry about your dad and your mum - you really have been through it! 

My dad is now very poorly, he was admitted into hospital nearly 2 weeks ago, and had rapidly deteriorated. The doctors have now told us it is only a matter of days. I'm coping reasonably well except for the fact I'm supposed to be going to holiday on Saturday with my uni friends. I really don't know whether to go or not, it's such a hard decision as my family want me to do what I think is best - they want me to go but only if I want to and think I can cope. I feel that either way I could make the wrong decision.  

My dad doesn't mind what I do- all the way through he has said he wants me to go. If he is still here on Saturday then I'm not sure whether I will go or not. 

Thank you again for your advice and kind words :)

Hi Georgie,

Thanks for your reply and so sorry for not replying earlier! It is really hard juggling uni when you want to just be at home, but I think anyone who can get through it is so strong. That's really good about your assignments and tutors- mine were great too. 

I've just found out I'm graduating with a first class honours degree, so I'm so pleased:) we found out my dad has cancer a year ago, so I had just finished my 2nd year of uni. 

The side effects my dad had with chemo was chronic fatigue. Unfortunately he was admitted into hospital just under 2 weeks ago and we have been told he doesn't have long left now. It's so upsetting and difficult but we are coping the best we can. 

I hope your dad is doing okay and you are coping the best you can xxx

i so sorry about your dad my husbard name is gary he is a one husbard sorry to say he as cll cancer of  the bone  morrse it can betrest he has como is frirday i am woorred sick about him  thery said at colchester  he need it  to save his live we have been marrid 4 years he we love our dogs my heart go out to  you and your family i am a careing peston we send all our love  from carol gary

Hi stardust14, 

Wow, a first is brilliant, well done!! You should be so pleased and I'm sure your dad is so proud! 

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad's deterioration - it's such a difficult time. Unfortunately my dad passed away 3 days after my second post, so 5 weeks ago. We had his funeral today. 

I'm here if you would like to talk about anything as I know what you're going through. I hope you are and your family are okay xxx   

Hi MXB,

Thank you for your reply and sorry again for replying so late! Unfortunately my dad passed away on 26th June.  I was on holiday and was very upset but I managed to stay out there and enjoy it in the end.  His last words to me were "have a good time" - so I did for him!  I'm doing pretty well I think, trying not to be upset as I know it wouldnt be what he wanted.

It's so good to speak to people like yourself who have been through such tough times and got through it 

Hope to hear from you soon :)