Hi LJG,

Sorry for not replying for so long!  The time just seems to have gone what with uni work and spending time with my family.  I'm lucky to have no exams, but I have coursework due up until the end of the month.

We did get good news - the cancer has not grown since January, so it has given him some more time. We are all so pleased.  He has just had his last chemo session before a break and a re-scan.  

Uni is going well thanks - I have a few assessments left and then it will be done - I can't wait to finish! I hope uni and exams are going well for you!

That's amazing that your dad has managed to put weight on! That's really good about the mobile chemo, we have had to travel about an hour to receive treatment, but I think that's because he was 'at risk' since he had a heart attack from the chemo in December.  He has been fine since - just feels very tired and washed out.

How are you and your dad?

I'm studing psychology and education, and i'm going on to study a PGCE to become a primary school teacher in September :) What course are you studying? Yes I agree, its good to talk about other things.

Hope to hear from you soon x

Hi GrahamM,

Thank you so much for your reply, kind words and helpful advice.

I believe my dad is was stage 2 when diagnosed, however in November it had spread just outside the stomach so I think that is stage 3?

The doctors have advised us it would probably be months rather than years, but it all depends on how he responds to chemo.  We had some results from the chemotherapy and have found that it has stopped the tumor from growing, meaning it hasn't grown since January.  It is the best news we could hope for under the situation, so we are really pleased.  I'm not sure how much extra time it will give us - but it has been just over 10 months since he was diagnosed.

I'm so sorry to hear about your wife, it's lovely that you were able to have a few years with her and a holiday.

Thank you again for your advice, hope to hear from you soon :)

This post/reply inspired me about how you are coping with your family. My dad got diagnosed 3 moths ago with terminal cancer and they said his life expectancy can be anything from 2 months to 1/2 (maybe more?) years. Everyone varies, it can take him within weeks or it could lay dormant for a few months or years. What's keeping me positive is that physically he seems ok at the moment. He can't have any treatment, not even chemo, cus it's too far gone and it's too risky. So he's just on hormone therapy which lasts about a year. But everyday it's on your mind 24/7. U still have to go to work, uni, live day to day whilst it's still destroying you. Everyday you're crying, angry, and rarely happy. I put on a smiley front with my family to keep them positive but at work and home (when I'm alone) I'm upset and sad and angry. Like u, I just think, let's make plans together as a family and cherish whatever time we have left. Let's go on day trips whilst he is physically able to, as I know a time will come when he wont he able to. I'm glad the summer is approaching, as it offers more opportunity to go on these nice day trips and create nice, last memories. His bday and my bday isn't until the end of the year so I hope he's still around then and Xmas. But it's gonna be so emotional incase it's his last. Or he could still be here next year too, but who knows how he will be physically by then. Just take each day as it comes. I wish I could not be at work so I can spend and cherish everyday with him, and makes me scared about my mom too. Like people say, our parents are meant to be invincible and times like this make u realise they're not. He had a stroke before but he recovered from that and I saw that as a sign to tell him to retire and slow down. I knew that wasn't the end, but now this is :( he's 65, I'm 30 and my sister is only 22. All seems too young. He won't get to see his daughters marry, he won't get to be a grandad :( x

Hi R_V_B1984,

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.  Do you mind saying what type of cancer he has been diagnosed with?

You seem to be in a similar situation with your dad as I am with mine, since the doctors have told us he has months left rather than years. However that was around 10 months ago, and he is still going strong. He is currently undergoing chemotherapy and he's not well at the moment due to the side effects, but once he has got over that he's not too bad in himself.

That's great that your dad is still physically ok at the moment - I hope that will continue for as long as possible.

We too are trying to plan day trips etc, as you never know how long it will be until he starts to deterioate.  I completely understand what you mean by Christmas and birthdays, December was so difficult since my 21st birthday was around that time too. It was very difficult because he wasn't well from the chemo (he suffered a heart attack the day after my birthday) so I completely understand wondering whether it will be the last birthday/christmas.

The only advice I could give is similar to Butterfly89 and to try and live in the moment and treasure the time you have left with him.  Noone would want you to be upset especially your dad, and that's what I try to focus on - thinking that I don't want to be unhappy and sad during the time left with him.

Hope to hear from you soon x

Oh gosh I'm so sorry you're going through the same with your father. As much as it's sad to say it's a comfort knowing others know how you're feeling and what you're going through. I know it's hard not to focus on a time frame someone may have been given we've all got to remember that there are many people who do outlive there expiry date so to speak. Numbers are usually down to statistics of people who have gone through the same sort of thing but our father's aren't a statistic their individuals and they will fight and live as long as they can. Take some comfort in knowing he's currently well he's not too poorly as that's always a good sign. Remaining positive will also help him it's when people give up that they seem to go down hill fairly quick. But whilst he's well you as a family should grab it with both hands and take advantage of it by making some plans the weathers been decent recently and as you said the summers approaching which makes it ideal to plan things. Whether it be to the seaside, walks in some nice parks, pub garden lunches, theatre, days out visiting places whether it be a zoo or museum etc. Lots of choices. This is how we hope to spend some of our summer as long as my father is well enough and up to it. Photos are important to take especially whilst your father is well enough. At one point my father lost so much weight and looked so unwell whilst having chemo he just didn't look like my Dad then not too long after he didn't need the chemo as the cancer hadn't moved and he put weight on and looked better than ever which makes it hard because sometimes you almost forget how ill they really are! I too went through the same thing...what if this is his last birthday (September last year) therefore I spoilt him and felt sad when buying his birthday card incase I never have the opportunity to buy another one again. Then Christmas came and it was emotional for all of us as my father did say it could be his last and it was hard watching him opening his presents, pulling a Christmas cracker, eating his Christmas dinner wondering if this will all be his last. But all we can do is take each day as it comes and spend it wisely so if it is their last birthday, father's day, summer, Christmas etc then we know we made the most of it and will have those memories to treasure. I've just been to a friends wedding a few days ago and I did feel sad that when my time comes I might not have my Daddy there to walk me down the aisle and be proud of me. That hurts like hell. Some really don't realise how lucky they are and I guess for most of us we never realised how lucky we was up until something like this happens. But we have no option but to be strong and it will make them proud to see us holding it together and letting them know how special they are to us. We are all too young but things like this doesn't have an age...one size fits all. X

Hi Butterfly89,

Thank you for your reply and kind words.

I completely agree, as strange and sad as it is, it really is a comfort to know there's others going through a similar situation who understand how you are feeling.  My friends are great and so supportive, but since my family are only me and my mum, there aren't many others who truely understand what we are going through.

It's such a comfort to know your dad put weight back on after chemo - my dad is currently undergoing his last chemo session and he has lost some weight and like you said, he is starting not to look like himself. It gives me some hope that he will be able to put some weight back on, although since he has stomach cancer I think he will struggle to eat even once the chemo has been through his system.  How is your dad now?

I'm very lucky in that he is such a positive person and has taken the news so well - he somehow remains the strongest out of us all (me, my mum and my dad).  I'm not quite sure how! However some do say it is worse for the family members than the person who has cancer.

Yes we are planning to go on day trips etc once he starts to pick up after chemo. I will have finished uni then too and will have a lot more time.  Yes I think something like this is a wake up call for anyone, and it's true that you really don't know what you've got until it's gone xx

Hi again :-), 

Glad you've got support around you. My friends are also supportive to a certain degree but I guess it's only natural they don't quite understand everything completely when it's not them who are actually going through this. 

Regarding the chemo...my father had lost about 3 stone before starting chemo this lead to them finding out he had cancer. He lost some more weight maybe a stone or two whilst on chemo. The chemo made him look so pale, weak, fragile and ill...my mum describes it as if it was like watching my dad dying he'd deteoriated that much in a matter of months. The chemo for him had to be stopped as he nearly died when his bowel obstructed (blockage) last July...he wasn't to go back onto chemo until October but when they have him a scan the cancer hadn't moved so they decided to keep him off it until it started to grow again. This is when he put weight back on from September-November he gained around 2 stone and has gained another stone since then too. He's not too happy about that lol but he looks like my dad again and looks healthy too. I thought I'd explain to you how and why he'd put the weight back on but everyone's different. The chemo will make him lose his appetite my dad went from big manly sized portions to a toddlers size portion. 

How is your dad? And how are you and your mum coping? 

My dad's ok thanks...it's upsetting and so hard because my Dad looks really well and it's easy to forget at times then it hits you all over again and makes me incredibly sad to know how ill he is and I'd do anything to help him and find a cure to make him better. 

Well a lot do say that once treatment plans are in place then things don't seem as bad as it does when your waiting around twiddling your fingers. And yes they also say it can be worse for the family members than the patients themselves. I think a lot of its worry, thinking of the future, you start grieving almost immediately for what's to come. 

I'm glad you will be making some plans for days out and family time together. I'm hoping to do the same...just wished over the years we'd spent more time together but I suppose there's no point dwelling on the past its about the time we've got now and to make the most of it before that time runs out. X 

Hi :)

I'm pleased your friends are supporting you too, but yes I understand what you mean as no one can completely understand unless they are going throught it or have done themselves.

Thank you for explaining about your dad's weight - with my dad he didn't loose much before he was diagnosed, but he has gradually begun to loose some since starting chemo.  I think he has close maybe a stone so it's not too bad, but he was never very big to start with.  He is starting to look ill now, but I'm not sure which is worse - when the look ill or start to look better again, as as you say, you tend to forget when they put weight back on.  My dad's portion sizes are so small too - he is really struggling to eat at the moment. He is drinking fortisip and taking complan to try and give him the calories he needs - has your dad tried any of this?

My dad is starting to improve, especially in himself now.  My mum is ok, struggling a bit I think but she keeps herself so busy - sometimes too busy!! I'm ok, trying to concentrate on uni work but i only have a week to go now - I can't wait for it to be over.

How are your family doing?

Yes there's no point dwelling on the past - I did that with my nan who passed away a few years ago.  I felt I had not spent as much time with her as I should have, and at each milestone in my life I wished she were there to see it. But like you said you just have to focus on the time you have left and make it the best as possible xx

Hi there :) 

I've only just come across your thread but I'd thought I'd comment because I'm in a very similar position. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I'm 20 and I've just finished my second year of uni, and two months ago my dad got diagnosed with bowel cancer, which is incurable, and it's also spread to his liver. Next week we have an appointment to discuss treatment but it will be palliative treatment to try and keep him as comfortable as possible. I'm finding it so hard at the moment but it is comforting to know other people are going through a similar thing, as upsetting as it is.

I hope you and your family are well xx