Hello stardust14
 I am so sorry to hear about your day.
I find myself in a very similar situation, I am in my early 20s and in late November/Early December my dad was diagnosed with Bowel cancer which we found out after had spread to his stomach and is now incurable.

It was absolutly heartbreaking, its all I think and worry about. I am at uni which he wants me to carry on. He is on chemo, he very early on in and so far he hasnt been too bad on it.

How I deal with it is take one day at a time, it can change so quickly. Also and i know this sounds silly, regardless of what the doctors say i still hold on to hope, hope is the only thing that gets me though that at least they might be able to control it.

sorry i know my reply is a bit mismatch but I feel we are in very similar cirumstances and am always happy to chat on here or private. please keep us updated. Stay hopeful, if your dad think you got hope and strength for him..it will happen him throught it too

Hello again Stardust14

Im okay thanks. Yea its tough while at uni becuase you still have to complete all the assessments but what we are going through is extra stress/worry that no one else who hasnt gone through it can begin to understand. Uni have been very good to me and there is alot of support. I hope your uni is helping you too.

Difficult questiom about handling it be because we have no choice in the fact we are in this situation. It lt sounds horrible but because it feels like this has been happening for a very long time. I cant really remeber what it was like before. I was only just thinking before i saw your reply about it, about hpw normailty isnt there and i would do anything to get it back. 

- i did feel really guilty becasue i am so busy at uni, i forget sometimes and when it hits me i do cry :( but my housemates and friends always cheer me up. 

Dad is okay..i think the chemo gets to him but it is his best chance for the future. 

How is your family/dad?

 Hi LJG,

Yeah it is really difficult, completing the assignments is hard enough without the added pressure of our dads being so ill!  Yes I completely understand what you mean, I found out about my dad last summer and it feels such a long time ago.  Although like you said sometimes you can forget about it for a bit, normality is never completely there.

I feel guilty too sometimes if I forget for a bit, but I think it's good that we can put it out of our minds for a little bit, because our dads/family don't want us to be upset all the time.  So try not to feel guilty :)

My housemates are amazing too, I feel lucky to have such great friends, and I'm glad yours are there for you too.

Glad your dad is ok, how are you family?  We are okay thanks, we find out tomorrow whether the chemo has been successful so I'm feeling pretty nervous about that, but keeping my fingers crossed x

Hi, not sure if I'd be a help of more of a hindrance but I know what your going through. I'm 22 and my dad has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. That was on Friday, today he's been admitted to hospital as he has blood clots, pneumonia, cancerous fluid and either a severe chest infection or the cancer has spread within a week and half span (they can't tell which, how annoying). All i can say os no matter how much I am annoying him, I keep telling him how much I love him and how he has done us so proud, whether he has days weeks or months I'm not sure, but I will tell him every single day until the day he does how much I love him. 

Hello Stardust, 

Very sorry to hear about your dads diagnosis. Nothing quite prepares us for the future. It is incredibly difficult going through such a dreadful thing at such a young stage. 

I'm 26 I will be turning 27 next month. My dad was diagnosed with incurable stage 4 bowel cancer which has spread to his lungs and liver 11 months ago. It's been a really tough year many ups and downs which can almost be compared to being like a roller coaster. But I'm coping because I simply have to if not for myself then for my family. I've found this incredible strength inside me that I never knew I had. But we as a family take each day as it comes, we spend quality time together, talking about the past, laughing, joking, dancing, hugging and taking plenty of photos and videos. We know what will eventually happen but we don't know when, nobody does. So we prefer to concentrate on the here and now than spend out time worrying about the future. The future isn't promised to any one of us so we should all make the most of our time together. 

It can be difficult if none of your friends around you understand. In all honesty I know about 12 young people who have lost a parent but I don't talk to any of them about it I prefer to come on forums like this where you'll meet other people willing to talk about it and discuss how they are feeling. If any one of you ever fancies a chat, to vent then don't hesitate to message me. 

Good luck on your journeys x 

Hi again Stardust 14

First of all apologises it takes me a while to reply, just lots of work from uni. 

I really hope you got some good news, it can really help you feel more positive. Hope uni is all going well, not long to exam time now! But we must make our families proud!!

My dad is doing okay, he has managed to gain 6lbs. He has now been told he can have his chemo in the mobile unit that comes round all the local towns meaning only a 5 min car jourmey i stead of a 40 min car trip each way? The week before was less good, his PICC line where the chemo goes in got blocked so had to go to hospital to get it sorted a dhis Chemo was delayed for  week

Do you mind me asking what course/uni you are at (sometimes it is nice to talk about other things)

 :) 

Hi stardust

You don't say what stage his cancer is perhaps you don't know.

If it's a stage 3 where the spreading is still relatively localised then the survival times can be many years especially if it responds well to chemotherapy.

Technically "terminal" tends to mean soneone has a relatively short life expectancy of a few months so my advice is to get it out of your mind that he's terminal - he's incurable and still treatable - the cancer is responding to the treatment (I presume)

It's a question of perspective. If you're thinking that he's dying now you may be in for a long and exhausting journey. You need to reset your frame of reference and prepare for the fact that he won't be with you long term but that you still have quite a while to enjoy with him.

I had 3 years with my wife after she was diagnosed and we had a lot of good times including an exotic holiday that she loved.

Make the most of this time but don't start grieving too soon

Hi Kimberley2901,

Sorry for not replying sooner - I have been so busy trying to juggle uni work and spend time with my dad,  the time seems to go so quickly!

Thank you for your reply, it is always helpful to hear others' stories and share our thoughts.  I am so sorry to hear about your dad.  I hope you are coping ok, and please feel free to update me on how your dad is.

I agree it's really important to tell him how much you love him, my dad has just had his last chemo session so he's not feeling his best at the moment, but you've got to try and stay positive.

Hope to hear from you soon x

Hello Butterfly89,

Thank you so much for your reply and kind words.  I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, I can imagine how tough it has been for you and your family.  I completely agree about finding inner strength - somehow I have managed to carry on with univeristy and hopefully gain a 1st - I'm not sure how!  That's exactly what we are doing too, taking one day at a time and trying to enjoy the time we have left.  We aren't sure how much time is left either and the doctors would only be able to guess.

We had some good news recently, and have found the chemo has worked, meaning there has been no growth since January.  It is the best news we could hope for in the situation, so that should give him some more time - how much we don't know. 

Thank you, take care and hope to hear from you soon x