Dad terminally ill, my mother is in denial

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 intestinal cancer, which spread to his liver. He underwent palliative surgery as doctors said the cancer had spread too much and they could not do anything. We were told that things are not good and dad probably has one year to live. My dad is my hero and I love him more than anything in life. It hurts me so much to see him like this and I would do anything for this cancer to go away. What makes the situation more difficult is my mother. She is in complete denial about what's happening and after each chemotherapy session she drags my dad to see a new doctor about a possibility of surgery. She made sure dad never found out that doctors gave him a year to live and she's convinced him the tumors can be surgically removed. Each time the doctors say no, she says 'we just need to do a bit more chemo and we'll be fine'. Every time I confront her about it she calls me a horrible daughter and says I'm wishing the worst for my dad. I find it so hurtful because it's not true. I do think she's causing more harm in giving him false hope and I don't know if I should talk to my dad about it. 

  • Hi there, you're in a difficult position. Please don't tell your dad as he has said he doesn't want to know. Give your mum a chance to adjust and come to terms with the news. Maybe try speaking to her again or speaking with Macmillan to see what advice they can offer. I'm sorry your dad is unwell. Maybe someone else can offer some better advice. Michelle 

  • Hi

    So sorry that you find  yourself in this position.   My husband had terminal cancer and though unable to have palliative surgery did have a few sessions of palliative chemo.  He did not wish to know a time line(though he was aware it would be terminal due to the kind of cancer he had) and told us that we should carry on as normal as possible for as long as possible.  IT was very hard journey for him, me and the children/grandchildren but we honoured his decision and I do wonder if in her own way your Mum is trying to protect him by, in turn. protecting herself from what is to come.  As Michelle has said perhaps you could speak to the palliative care team looking after your Dad (if he has given permission for them to be open with you) but in any case you can seek guidance from them, MacMillan or even given the nurses a ring on this site.  Wishing you all the very best as you cope day to day.  Jules54