Hi Silkie

Welcome to the forum but really sorry for the reason that brings you here.  As you can imagine everyones experience of the last period of a terminal illness are  often very different so what I will say here relates to my journey with my late husband. A different cancer (Mesothelioma) but eating and drinking became  difficult over the last three months and about a week before he died  he was only managing small sips of liquid.  His pain was well managed by his medication which he was able to take himself orally until 24hrs prior to his passing when it was given by syringe driver (fitted by our community nursing team who were very helpful in answering most of my questions). He slept on and off but was alert and chatty in between dozes. 24hrs beforehand a doctor had to be called as he had failed to pass urine (and I had already been told this would indicate the start of his body closing down) and though my husband did not want to know time scales I did ask for a rough idea (out of his earshott).  At that point I was told no more than 5/7 days. but it was just an estimate.  In actual fact my hubby died peacefully with me holding his hand just 24hrs later, having spent the day enjoying the company of our children, grandchildren and friends who popped in to see him. Much missed but comforted by the knowledge that there is no more suffering.

Hopefully others will be along to offer their thoughts. Take care  Jules54

Thanks so much Jules54, that's a really helpful response. It's encouraging that you are able to turn a very difficult experience for yourself into something that can help a stranger like me. I hope I'll be able to do the same. I appreciate everyone's experience is different but your experience gives me a ball park.

It's so overwhelming.

Take care and thanks again

Silkie

Hi Silkie,

As Jules has said, each case appears to differ from the next. 

Has your Dad been fitted with an Intravenous line and being drip-fed water and glucose? 
If not, the human body can only hold out for a very limited time before dehydration sets in. If he has, I'm afraid it could be anything from hours to weeks - not what you want to hear I know.

My Mum's final days dying of Cancer were spent at home with an IV drip keeping her hydrated and a syringe driver keeping her diamorphine pain relief topped up. She died peacefully with no discernable pain - though she was pretty high when she was awake.

My hope is that when my luck runs out (like your Dad I have Stage 4 Oesophageal Cancer) that my own final days are as well-managed as hers were.

Best wishes
Dave  

We don't talk much about the mechanics of death and when my wife was dying I found it unnerving not knowing what to expect so I talked to the palliative care team who were very good - I'd suggest you do the same but Melanie went through a stage with quit a lot of eye movement beneath closed eyes for some hours and slipped depper into unconciousness, There was a disturbing period where her breathing became irratic, you felt that every breath might be her last again this went on for some time. then it became les and less and there was a small shudder and her head relaxed just to one side - surprisingly like the movies and she was gone. She didn't make any sound but I know there is an exhaling sometimes. It went quite well for her - apparently there can be some quite distressing twitching or kicking towards the end but the palliative team can give some drugs for that if it starts to happen. For her it was about 48 hours from when she started to lose responsivity and decline but I'd imagine that it varies hugely.

I'm really no expert, these were just my experiences of sitting through 48 hours with one person - the toughest 2 days of my life without question it's still tough telling you about it now 4 months later

The palliative care team will have helped hundreds of people through their last days and will be happy to help you understand what it might be like - I found it so much easier knowwing what to expect so I'd strongly advise you to talk to them 

Thanks so much, Graham, I'll take your advice and talk to the PT team. I appreciate you doing such a tough thing in writing back to my response. It's comforting that people are so willing to help when you're in this situation. I hope your journey from here is as smooth as it can be.

Graham, that's truly heartbreaking. That's all I can say really.