Kay, you have options here and can I ask you to try to do something before it's too late.  I feel pretty certain that you don't want to accept mum's prognosis an therefore not showing any emotion.  Twenty years ago my mother was dying with cancer and she had come to live with me in the last few months of her life.  I got quite angry a few times with her and those times have stayed with me.  I feel angry, upset and ashamed - so please try very hard to make your mum's life a little better.  Tell yourself that today is going to be the day that you sit with her and, perhaps, reminisce about the good times you have had, hold her hand and make her feel your love.  You will be surprised how this will make her feel, and you too.  Knowing you have broken through that angry wall will help all your relationships.

I know this because earlier this year, due to a silly misunderstanding my ekdest daughter hardly spoke to me for a few months, even though she knew I haveincurable cancer. I was completely distraught but eventually came to see me, apologised, hugged me and said she will always be there.  Thats all I wanted and feel so much better.Please don't leave it till its too late.

I'm in a similar situation, my Mam's just been told her cancer spread after 8 months of her diagnosis. Looking back now, I can see I've been in autopilot through her appointments and taking the view that everything is going to be okay. So them telling me its not has punched me through the gut. I can't breathe, show emotion, look people in the eye. I don't know what to do, she is my life, I spend more time with her than anyone. My younger sister and brother  are suffering too but I can't reach out to them, as I don't feel strong myself. I'm 23 but I don't know if I can cope with this.

Hi

This is such a sad situation for you both  (and I  know hindsight helps having lived a 'terminal' life with my husband for some time before his loss at the beginning of this year). My son was much the age you are now and my daughter just a little older.  It is such a rollercoaster of emotions which for self-preservation are sometimes easier to deal with alone but, and it's quite a big but. Pauline has offered good advice; you both need to try coping on a day to day basis without thinking of what is to come so that you have no regrets later. Words are not always necessary (and to be fair nor are tears) but a hug speaks volumes and sadly denying that it's not going to happen can hurt just as much.  Perhaps there is a support nurse at the hospital where your Mum is being cared for or you can speak to MacMillan or the nurses on this site if you need guidance.  Everyone's situation is very personal but so many on the forum will, I know, feel they are alone in feeling the way you do.  Come and chat anytime. sometimes just writing it down is like a bit of therapy. 

Just a thought, it you cannot chat to your Mum, how about a card/letter so at least she is aware of your feelings just now.  Sending a virtual hug.  Jules54

Thank you all for your replies. I have tried to express myself in her birthday card in a way that I struggle to face to face which I know was appreciated. Pauline4 thank you for your honest reply, it is what I need to hear from strangers to make it real instead of trying to plough on through day to day life telling myself I am just trying to get by and not be a burden to others in my reclusive state.

Today we had a call from the nurse that she was not doing well and we better come to hospital. I left work early and tried to be more supportive and have tried to be more present. I have still come home and to bed away from my partner as I just want to be alone most of the time.

KirstyCami I am so sorry to hear you're in a similar boat. Me and my brother are also leading separate coping processes and I don't think that can be helped, we support each other where we can but are dealing with things very differently. He and my mum have always been closer than she and I. Be reassured you can always message me if you need an understanding ear, we must muddle through together. 

I have sent you a friend request LJ, message any time x

I know where you are coming from - I've struggled all my life to show emotion - however away from people I break down and cry on my own .... 

I am living to regret that I didn't show more emotion towards my Mother - last week she got an infection and now has only days to live .. she is not conscious and does not even recognise anyone.  

It's too late for me now and I so so regret not telling her how I feel ..... if you can't tell her face to face then record it and let her listen to what you have to say without you being there ... 

Please don't make my mistake .... go for it ... 

How about pray. Go online you will find a lot about afterlife. I believe myself. Well worth preparing.