Hi David,

Welcome to the forum; you have made a good choice for it is both a very friendly and suportive site.

When a relative or someone you love has cancer, it is an emotional roller coaster ride. Your uncle will probably have both good and bad days, some days he may know you and others he may not. I have lost several close realative to cancer including my mother, my grandmother and an aunt and it takes an emotion toll on us. We try to show the world a brave face but often we are in a state of emotional turmoil. Cancer doesnt just affect the patient, it affects all the family and those who know and care about them.

Your uncle may want to talk about his cancer or he may try to avoid it all together. Just be guided by him on this. Since joining this forum 3 1/2 years ago, I have heard from so many people that they find great difficulty in talking to either family of friends. That is where this site is so good for you can talk to people on here in an anonamous way and who know the problems you are facing for often they have experianced exactly the same thing.

So anytime you feel the need to talk or even rant, This is the place to do it.

Thinking of you and your uncle, Brian.

Thank you for your reply Brian, I couldn't agree more about the forum and my uncles situation at the min is confused we don't know if he's blanking it all out or doesn't remember because of the memory loss due to brain tumours and we are not allowed to mention cancer in front of him because he gets very upset and aggressive! He is in a nursing home but he's only 53, the doctors couldn't give us a time scale and the way I feel is we are just sat waiting for him to die. I want him to try and enjoy life while he still can but don't know how hard to push him? We are not sure he knows it's terminal or not and no one wants to have that discussion with him, but the Macmillan nurses will start going sortly so he could realise then. I'm trying to be strong for my uncle( we were like brothers) and trying to support my mum through it all who isn't in the best health either I just feel so drained but try not to let it show. But I don't know what to expect when it does start to take him and I I'm going to handle it so please be blunt, I know everyone is different but I would rather know what I'm facing. Again thank you.

Hi David

Welcome to this supportive forum.  It's so difficult to be sure of how long anyone with untreatable cancer can survive as everyone's personal journey is different. On a personal level I have seen a friend live many years both on and off treatment but once treatment was stopped altogether (it did finally affect her brain but began as breast cancer) she was taken from her family within three months (though the decline was still gradual and was still chatting in the hospice until three days prior to her death.

My husband was diagnosed as terminal with a different cancer (Mesothelioma) and though was able to have three sessions of chemo to 'prolong life' the doctors were unable to give a timeline as they knew some people were taken quickly and others could live over ten years. My husband lived for nearly three years but never wished to discuss it as it was too emotional so I became the go-between for information for our adult children, family and friends. I would imagine that as  your Uncle's cancer has spread and he can at time be confused you and the family are best guided by the medical team as to what they need to do to keep him comfortable. Unfortunately it is a complete emotional rollercoaster which takes its toll on all the family and I found great comfort in the forum when my own frustration (and guilt) bubbled over. It saddened me greatly that my hubby would not make the most of the time he had in the early days of diagnosis (he was just too devastated at not  being able to work) but I learnt to follow his lead and accept that he had to deal with it in his own way. His journey ended in January this year, peacefully having spent the day chatting to family/friends who had dropped in (he wished to be at home and this was managed very well with the help of his palliative care team).  As a family we are still grieving his loss but I am comforted that his suffering is over and good memories are carried within us all.

Any time you need to chat please come and share your feelings and thoughts. I found it easy to offload and was helped beyond question (still am) in having somewhere to let of steam and so many understanding virtual friends have been made.  Sorry for the ramble and really do wish you and the family and especially your uncle peace during such difficult times.  Jules54