Hi Dinah

Welccome to the forum though sad to read the reason behind it.  As your Dad may not be strong enough to cope with treatment I suspect his medical team(sometimes transferred to a palliative care team - as in my husband's case (oncologist was still involved but with extra support for us)) will do their best to control any symptoms as and when they arise.  My hustband had a three year journey with terminal cancer and the last six months were when he was at his most frail though he was only confined to bed fully for the last two days (he chose to stay at home).  His GP and community nurses attached to the surgery (we live in Middlesex, UK) supported us with regular visits when necessary and it was all about keeping him as comfortable as possible with pain relief. He slept a great deal of the time but was mentally alert until he passed very peacefully with me holding his hand.  Earlier in the day the children and grandchildren had spent the day with us and they played as he watched.  A good memory to  hang on to now (this was 7+ months ago now).  This is my personal 'log' but I am sure others will be along to offer support. 

This forum gave me somewhere to offload emotions during a very difficult time (still feel I have found virtual friends) and you will I hope find it helps a little. Regards Jules54

Hi Dinah

I know many have fears of how our loved ones will face their end journey (for them and us) and I was no different. Both with my Dad (who was 85 and passed away 8 years ago) and my husband (earlier this year) chose for themselves where they wanted to be (a hospice for Dad, at home for my husband)  and from my experience  end of life care was very good in both environments.  I was travelling to be with my Dad (and my Mum) when he passed away but was too late to sit at his side.  At the time this was hard for me but even my Mum who only lived a few minutes away (and had gone home to sleep) did not get back to him in time. When we later chatted she always said this is how he had asked it to be so I accepted his wishes as I did my husband's to be at home.

Your Dad has the love of you and his family around him and as hard as this journey will be for you al,l I hope you can enjoy the time  you have with him just now. Taking time out for yourself will also help you to cope. Sending peaceful thoughts and a virtual hug.Jules

just to let you know my dad got home from the palliative care ward to spend his last few days at home with his family. The support we were given was fantastic and arranged quickly. The day Dad died he was very alert although struggling with his breathing. He asked for his nebuliser and as I was putting his mask on I noticed his expression change, his eyes were not focusing and I knew he was going. I cuddled him and told him how much we all loved him. He took a few deep slow breaths and he was gone. So very quietly and peacefully. Although we are all grieving for him a part of me is so glad he went like this with me, my mum and brother with him. Thank you for your support.

Hi DizzyDinah

Sorry for the loss of your dad but it is good to hear that he passed away peacefully, surrounded by his family, as you had wanted.

Condolences from all of us at Cancer Chat,

Jane

Hi DizzyDinah

My condolences on the loss of your Dad.  It will be a comfort to you that his passing was peaceful and that you were all able to be with him. Sending a virtual hug at this sad time. Take care. Jules