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Father has terminal bowel cancer........

LostForWords
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I am estranged from my parents. Have been for many years now, about 9. 

Today I found out that my father has terminal bowel cancer. My mother had bowel cancer a few years ago but is since in remission. I on;y found out after she'd been given the all clear about what she had been through from a relative i am still in contact with.

I found out by mistake about my father and am not sure how to handle his prognosis. Nobody knows that i know.

I have tried to reconcile with them (before finding out about his situation) but am yet to hear a response. Now that i know he has a terminal illness i'm even more wanting to reconcile....I'd never forgive myself if one of them were to pass and we hadn't sorted things out.

What should i do?

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    Hi Lostforwords,

    Welcome to the forum. Sorry to read about your dad. 

    Is there any way that the relative that you're still in contact with could help you and your parents to reconcile by liaising with each of you? 

    Another suggestion would be to write a letter to them, explaining what you know and expressing your desire to make amends as soon as possible. 

    Their lack of response to your previous request to reconcile may just be down to circumstances - maybe they were dealing with treatments etc and in the course of this, didn't get in touch. 

    I really hope you find a way to resolve the situation (I was estranged from my father for nearly 20 years, but thankfully, we are now back in touch and our relationship is good.) 

    Take care and post as often as you need to, Jo x

     

     

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    Hi

    Sorry to read your story and the problems you are experiencing in re-connecting with your Dad (and presumably your Mum too),  Jo has given great advice and from my personal viewpoint, when I was 'adrift' from my parents, it was not easy taking the first step (in fact my own daughter did it for me!).  I eventually took the 'writing a letter' option, kept it simple but spoke from the heart. I was luclky enough to get a response back and we took it slowly but maintained contact.  I hope you can find a way to heal the rift and if you can, let the forum know how you get on. Jules54

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