Hi there 

I was diagnosed with kidney cancer February this year and have had a radical removal of right kidney, utter and part of bladder, it was grade 3 transitional papillary but I was told all clear 2weeks later, was put forward for clinical trial, re scan done due to a nodule found in lung, indeterminate and stable for 3 months, but spread to to  lymph node, all other organs clear of cancer, had cystocopy on Friday all clear 

Onc told me on Monday, incurable, no op, no rads, no remission, cancer will return, u arm having 4 cycles chemo had 2 so just have to wait and see, sorry for long story but we can not give up, perhaps he will talk to you in his own time and is coming to terms with it himself as I am, I am only 49 and have my 50th in September, but given the prognosis fear it will be my last 

My onc is so negative he has not offered me any alternatives and I am sure they are available, hope he is not scrimping on his budget, 

Hope you husband decides to open up to you it is hard news to take, but everyone copes differently, I have been open and honest with my siblings as both parents have sadly passed, except for my twin sister who can not cope so I have given her the melted down version

All I have said has probably not helped but be strong 

Best wishes to you