Jo

Im so sorry that your mums health has deteriorated so quickly and you and your family are finding yourself in such a sad situation. Not everyone would want to cope with their loved one at home so well done to your dad if thats what he wishes to do.  Have you spoken to mums care team to see if this is possible?  Perhaps if it isnt your mum could be moved to a local hospice. From my own experience I can tell you that they are lovely places. Not at all scary and very supportive to all family members.I cant comment on how long she will battle for. Everyones journey is different. Spend time holding your mums hand and talking to her so she knows she is surrounded by love.  Sending you virtual hugs Inula x

Thank you Pauline and Inula.  I suppose my main worry is that she is in so much pain even in the hospital, I am frightened about the pain control at home. If  I'm honest I am not that happy with the nursing staff on mum's ward. They haven't been very supportive. I have seen the Macmillan team once in 5 days and they gave us a leaflet that had out of date telephone numbers on when I needed to ring them for advice. Feel totally helpless.  I know I sound so negative but I just want mum to have some dignity as she ebbs away from us. Jo x

Hi Jo,

I am so sorry to hear about your mum, my heart goes out to you all.

My father in law passed away 2.5 years ago and home with my mother in law.  He was laid up in a hospital bed until the end, but we wouldn't have had it any other way.  His system shut down towards the very end and he stopped eating and drinking, but the nurses and carers came into him daily, so I am sure your mum will have round the clock care.  I am sure your dad will want her to say her goodbyes in the comfort of her own home, as much comfort as she can have anyway.

Take care and I hope it goes as okay as it can xx

Jo,

I am sorry to hear about your Mum. We went through something similar with mine.

If you can get all the appropriate support in place you should be OK. Mum was under the care of Marie Curie, MacMillan and her GP. 

My Mum's life ended as she wanted, quietly at home with her family around her. She had a terrible fear of doctors and hospitals, so this was very important to her.

I hope you find the strength to get through this.

Best wishes.

Dave

Hi to all you caring people who have given me advice. Went into the hospital today and spoke with mum's consultant. He seems to think we can take her home soon. We have asked all the questions about what to expect and I feel like it could be do-able. Mum has said to us today that she wants us to curtail our visits because she is so weary and tired. I don't expect her to speak when I visit, I just hold her hand and she rests. I worry how she will be at home if she is so tired now. I can tell she just wants to be left alone. What do I do for the best ? 

Jo 

Hi Jo

its good that you have spoken to your mums medical team about taking mum home. It does sound as though she is very weak now. Only you and your family can decide on the best course of action. I wouldnt like to advise you on which course of action to take. Perhaps a further meeting between family and medical team would be a good idea given your mums weakening state. 

There are no easy answers I'm afraid. And probably no right or wrong choices. Just individual choices. 

I wish you, your mum and your family the strength you need in the future 

Sending you virtual hugs

Inula 

Inula, your post echoes how I feel. I know you are not advising me but you seem to be thinking what I have been thinking. When we got to the hospital today, Mum was very weak still. I said to Dad I thought we should have another chat with the care team about Mums next steps. To cut a long story short, we have all come to an agreement that Mum stays were she is for now. The Doctors feel she is too weak, and I don't want Dad having the stress of being her primary carer. Its such a difficult decision. We can only work day to day. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, she may rally a little and be able to go home. Now is not the time. Thanks for your insightful thoughts about my situation Inula. I know you are going through your own situation and for you to take the time to console others is truly gracious. Hugs to you and your family. Jo x

I am sorry to hear the sad news.  My mom passed away Sunday morning to endometrial cancer.  Cancer for the third time.  It's been a terrible time for the family.  It took a long time to get a diagnosis even though the med profession were aware she had cancer twice previously and they were aggressive cancers. It has been a constant battle for us all.  We now do not have much faith in them as there were many errors.  

My mom's case was very sad as she also had a broken back, blood clot in groin and other medical conditions.  She was diagnosed first week in March so it was really quick. We had been trying to get mom's health sorted out since September last year when she was in severe pain.  No-one would listen to us.  She was discharged a number of times from hospital saying there was nothing wrong with her.  And yet she had a broken back also.  My poor dad aged 80 years found it hard to accept that this time it wasn't going to be a good ending.  She really did suffer.  

My mom got very sick at the beginning of last week so we were glad she went into the hospice about 4 days before.  The end of life was very very sad for my mom as she hadn't walked for months.  We couldn't even take her out in a wheelchair as she couldn't sit.  We tried and tried but it wasn't to be.

What we did was just held her hand, stroked her face and told her how much we loved her.  In the last few days she could only hear us and couldn't even speak.  So my advice is to take each day as it comes and enjoy every last minute you have with her because it's heartbreaking when you get no reply.  She just lay there to the end.  

It is a very cruel illness and my heart goes out to you and anyone else either in this situation or who is suffering cancer.  My world has changed now as I see everything in a different light.  The fact that life can change so quickly.  You can be laughing one day and tge next it changes.

Please get all the help you can and don't hesitate to use a hospice.  They are wonderful.

So God Bless and stay strong for your mom.  Being positive will get you through even when the outcome is very grim. I am grieving but I know if I need help I will go to the hospice and they will support me even if it's months down the line.  

Jo,

Whatever your family decides is best, I hope you find the strength to get through this and that your Mum is as comfortable as she can be with a peaceful, loving and dignified end. 

Best wishes
Dave
x