Hi serendipityb,

i can tell your heart is breaking at having to think about, let alone act upon this course of action.  I have three different family members where this DNR notice was in place, the latest being my husband, the first my Dad and there is one in place for my Mum (at her own request),  In all cases, as hard as it was to watch/witness'/countersign, it was for all the right reasons in that usually the quality of life should they be faced with the chance of resuscitation (its is not always the case) would be detrimental to that course of action.

I know in  your brother's situation he would be unable to make this decision for himself and thus his next of kin are being approached. Because my mother has a mental disorder (but understands  what is going on and can currently make her own decisions), her GP asked me to countersign that I would be in agreement.  My heart would rather I did not have to make that decision  but my head  said it felt the correct thing to do rather than to prolong suffering.  It is, however, a very personal undertaking.

  In all the cases, there was no writing involved other than to sign the form (I believe this is not uncommon with incurable illness and in all cases it was a recommendation by medical teams involved) which is then held with the persons records to avoid distress should such a situation arise.

As difficult as all this is (like you I was not with my Dad when he passed away but he did die peacefully and would not have required intervention such as resuscitation even though the DNR existed). Not sure if this helps at all but my thoughts and a comforting hug are sent your way during this difficult time.

Perhaps others will be along shortly to offer their own thoughts/experiences. Take care Jules x

Thank you so much, it does help to know I am not the only one going who has to do this. I am so sorry about your dad, mum and husband x

Thank you for your kind words.  There can be many reasons why a DNR notice can be attached to a patients' file and I am sure they will talk it through with you at the appointment but rest assured I have heard it talked about quite a bit  by others and I think we would all face this with some feeling of treipidation.  I know you will have your brother's best interests at heart for you have shown what a caring sister he has. Jules

My advice to you as a loving caring person would be do not sign this DNR. It is an awesome position of responsibilty you have been put under. At some time in the future the decision that is being forced on you will keep you awake at night. "It has been decided" (by your brothers team of well meaning health care professionals) doesn't mean you have to agree to their decision, or indeed that it is the right decision. Often its the course of action that makes life easiest for them rather than what is best for you (yes you, you are a very important part of this equation) and your brother. I wish you love strength and wisdom when making your diificult choice.

I have advanced lung cancer and a doctor at the hospice asked me to sign the red DNR form for my relatives to be notifid and the form to be held on file. While I want a dignified peaceful death I did not want to discuss the form with my husband, daughter or parents so still retain the form unsigned in my file. Undecided whether I should sign the form or not?

It doesn't seem fair, does it, that at a time in our lives when things are difficult whether you are a carer or patient, you feel that you should maybe make this decision also.  Having untreatable cancer I, too, don't know what to do.  

I do hope , serendipity, that you can come to a decision you are happy with.

I still have not signed it - I have mentioned it to my husband but do not wish to upset other family members.

I think it is best to discuss the matter with a doctor you feel you can trust.