My Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and secondary brain cancer in late October. They told us 6months which is approaching. Over the last few days he has changed immensly. He lives away from me so I have been spending a lot of time away from home with him. Now I cannot speak to him as he dosent respond I know he can hear me but its not the same. I feel alone living in his girlfriends house who I hardly know. I know we dont have long now hours/days at most. Im finding myself wondering if im strong enough to watch my Dad die or do i go home. I have watched every bit of him be taken away from this awful disease, I dont know if I can watch it take his life. I just wish he could tell me what to do.
Vicky, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's such a hard journey and no-one can tell you what is right for you or your dad. I have been through it with members of my own family and wasn't there for just one of them because the hospital called us too late. For me, and this is personal, it has always hurt that I wasnt there at the last to hold his hand and say goodbye. Just try to imagine how you will feel after and what you would wish you had done.
I have incurable cancer and hoping I don't have to take that final step alone. You sound like a very caring daughter - you will find the right path.I
Im sorry to hear you have cancer. I have spoken to my mum and friends at home and they say its ultimately my decision. I just dont want to make the wrong one. It is my Birthday on Saturday which my Dad would usually come home for. I dont want to spend it up here on my own and I know he would want me at home enjoying it (not that I can really enjoy myself). I know if I make the decision and something does happen i dont know if I could live with it, but can I live with watching him take his final breath? I dont want my memory of Dad tainted anymore than it is. X
Sorry to see the reason why you are on the forum. I lost my Dad to prostrate and secondary lung cancer 7 years ago and though he had been in a hospice for several days when the phone call came I was unable to get there in time.(My Mum only lived 10mins away and was still not there in time). For me I found peace in the knowledge that each time I had seen him previously I had been honest about my feelings (as he had his) and said goodbye knowing it may be my last visit. Each of us will have different thoughts.
I lost my husband in January and therefore my kids lost their Dad and both had different emotions that they were unable to get back here in time (they both live quite close by) but both will come to realise that their decision really did not make a difference. Dad will always be Dad and in time good memories made during your lifetime will be cherished. Sometimes whatever decisions we make in life, they are are right for us at the time they are taken. Wishing you peace in this stressful time.Jules54
Thank you for your kind words. My Dad passed away just after midnight on the 10th April. He made my decision for me, I never was great at making decisions ;) x
Sad to read your update but know you will have wonderful memories within your heart. Our loved ones have a knack of doing it 'their way'. Look after yourself.Jules x
Hi, Vicky, so sorry to read your update. Those kind of decisions are invariably taken out of our hands, thank goodness, and we find strength from somwhere. I do hope you are coping now and I send you my very best wishes. x
Thank you for your kind words. I am struggling to rationalise things in my head at the moment. I find it extremely difficult to talk about any feeling or emotions face to face with people. I think this is part of my downfall, being too strong for too long. Everything has gone sour with his 'partner' who got rid of nearly all of my dads posessions. My Grandad also passed away last month and I had to take a demotion at work due to a structure change. It dosent rain but it pours on me at the minute. I am struggling to find and light at the end of the tunnel, I cant seem to focus x
Hi, Vicky, doesn't it always happen that way - when you feel you can't take anymore, something else happens until you feel at rock bottom. But then there is only one place to go, and that is up. It has only been a few months so don't be hard on yourself, it takes a long while to adjust to these very sad things that you have been through. Life will get better. Just be kind to yourself.I am thinking of you and hope that you will come back and let us know how you are. x
I think 'focus' is a part of grief that most of us struggle with when we have loved and lost. My husband died 7mths ago but there are still times when I feel a little lost and have to shake myself up and give myself a talking to. My condolences on the loss of your Grandad which will also have brought all the feelings of loss of your Dad to the forefront again. Try to hold on to the fact that you have wonderful memories in your heart that no one can 'get rid of'.
From a practical point of view I have 'recycled' a good deal of my husband's possessions but did so with the blessing of our children and its sad that your relationship with your Dad's partner has fallen apart. If you were close before the loss of your Dad it maybe that her grief has had a different effect on her and she cannot cope with it either. I hope in time things will change for you both. As Pauline has rightly said its early days and I find it a little easier day by day (which is how I cope).
Sending a virtual hug and the forum is always here when you need a rant or chat. Take time for yourself; it's an emotional road but one that we can travel with support. Jules x
