Thank you for your kind reply. I am 59 years old and have been told I have a very rare and aggressive type of cancer (mucosal melanoma). I was also told survival rates are no more than two years but majority of cases don't survive past a year. My initial reaction was well hey this cancer has never met me before! But over the weeks that followed I think reality set in and now I'm trying to sort everything out in my head but its just a jumbled mess.
I'm glad I've found this site though as I think it will help me talk and put things into perspective and also give me strength.
My family alll know about my diagnosis and have all reacted differently. My husband keeps asking me how I'm feeling and tends to want to wrap me in cotton wool, my eldest son just wont talk about it at all and my youngest son lets me know he's here if I need him and I just feel like screaming at all them which then makes me feel guilty.
I'm glad I've found this chatroom you all sound such wonderful friendly people xx
Thank you for sharing that it kind of does put things in perspective. I hope I can get to the same place you're in I imagine once you've accepted things you feel less burdened and can live the rest of your life more freely.
I am the same age as you also with two grown up sons and a four month old grandaughter I to have also been a very strong person. I lost both my parents to cancer by the time they were sixty and dreaded it happening to me. Now it has I have advanced ovarian cancer and begin chemo on friday I am both angry and scared as I was looking forward to my husband retiring and going on wonderful holidays.
I am in such a state. I have had so much support from friends and family and they all say keep strong and possitive at this point in time I feel like saying p--- off and stick my head back under the duvet! I do have a good sense of humour and my darling husband still makes me laugh however I feel very cheated as I had been told that the cancer had been caught early but when they operated it was a different story. I find red wine helps!
I feel your pain and so understand how you feel. For weeks I was being treated for nasal polyps by GP till eventually referral was made to hospital and then things moved pretty quick but a little too late. I also lost my mum to Cancer when I was 28 and she was 69 so I can relate to that too. My husband got cancer four years ago and thankfully his was caught in time and since surgery has had no further scares or problems. He says he knows how I feel but I don't think he really does because his was never life threatening or terminal. Gosh does that sound bitter I so hope not.
It would be the easiest thing in the world to stay under that duvet but I think we both know we can't do that.
Your right it is so scary thinking what lies ahead with treatments etc. I didn't have chemo just radiotherapy d every day for just over 7 weeks and 6 1/2 hours of surgery which has left me deaf in one ear. But I was so surprised at where and how I found the strength to cope with all the surgery and radiotherapy but I did and I strongly believe you will too.
It's good that there are places like this where we can come and chat and share our feelings without feeling we have hurt someone we love and care about with our words/thoughts and if we don't feel like doing that we can share the wine.......in silence!! Xxx
i would like to say thank you sukicat for your response to cocopops ,you have just given me awake up call and you are right theres no point in worrying about what we cant change but to embrace living now .my husband has small cell lung cancer diagnosed just over one year ago and is doing great :-) and we have loving family and friends x
i am also dying with cancer brain and lungs, and theyve just found another tumour thas in my layers of my brain, i understand how you feel, so much u want say, so much u want do , scared of leaving the loved ones behind , i got diagnosed 2008 and again 2013, keep fighting mate x
I have a terminal diagnosis and I too feel the need to sceam at those I love most. I don't, because like you I want to protect them. My family expect me to be strong because when I was originally diagnosed in 2010 they thought I'd beaten it and I brushed it off like a bad cold. (because of the type of cancer I knew there was a strong possibility it was coming back but I kept that to myself and I lived in hope!) Now I think they expect me to deal with it the way I did before and for the most part I do, but sometimes I feel so angry and frustrated. I want to scream!!! Then I remember the joys in my life. Then I remember to concentrate on all of the wonderful things I will be able to do, not the things I won't.I spend more time with family and go for days out, weekends away and holidays as often as finances will allow, I've returned to volunteering at my local hospice (I took a year off after diagnosis, the idea of being surrounded by cancer patients scared me). It doesn't scare me now it fulfills me.
Don't let anyone tell you how you should be dealing with this, do what's right for you, we're all different and there's no rule book. I wish you well.
I have read all of your letters. My soul goes out to to all. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I will add you all to my prayers. What strong people you all are. Be proud and be strong.I LOVE YOU ALL. xxxxxxxx
